Guangzhou Hash House Harriers
# 1289 - The Usual Business Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
The Nationalistic Holidays aren't over yet. No one expects to see you at work today or tomorrow. Autumn is in full swing which means it is dry and not so hot. Perfect conditions for a day out in the woods. For the mismanagement team of the Guangzhou Hash, particularly the hare razor, this means that you haven't got any more excuses not to scout a trail and be a hare in one of the cumming weeks. Otherwise it's business as usual just like this Saturday.
Business as usual? On the Guangzhou Hash? Ridiculous! How would 'business as usual' even look like?
Well, 'business as usual' is when Circle Jerk, Himalaya and Cum Cannon set another best trail ever, followed by another extremely witty circle and completed with a dinner for champions.
Enjoy it while it lasts!*
When: Saturday, October 4, 2014 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
On On,
00
*Which would be until the Beach Weekend Hash. Unless, of course, you do something about it and becum a hare.
# 1291 - The 1 PM Hash & #1292 & #1293 - The 30th Anniversary Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Meet at 1 PM - bus leaves at 1.30 PM sharp - 一点钟见面- 一点半出发
I couldn't care less about people who get lost on trail and then have to spend the night in the woods in the company of millions of mosquitoes, but I cannot any longer ignore the fact that these Slowies often bring their phones onto the trail, thus enabling them to call other hashers* for help, who in turn bother me to organize a rescue team. This kind of behavior is seriously disrupting the circle. So in order to have more day light and less interruptions during the circle we are now going to start 30 minutes earlier. We meet at 1 PM and the bus leaves at 1.30 PM, and that means 1.30 PM sharp.
This also applies to former regular Guangzhou Hashers and mismanagers Platterpuss, Soggy Bisuit and Cougar Bait who will all honor the GZH3 with their presence this Saturday.
When: Saturday, October 18, 2014 @ 1 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Hares: Gorf, Dew Lay Lama
Furthermore, if you want to join our 30th anniversary beach weekend in Dong Chong on October 25/26 you better sign up and pay on Saturday. Seats on the bus are limited and the hotel we booked is the cheapest in the area. Once it's full we can maybe help you to get a room somewhere nearby, but it will be at least 200 or 300 RMB more expensive since Dong Chong has become a pretty posh** area. The fee for the weekend is 480 RMB and it includes a hash shirt, a night at the hotel, dinner on Saturday, lunch on Sunday and drinks throughout the weekend, not to speak of two fun rides on the hash bus. Send me an email if you inted to join us.
On On,
00
*and thus making a mockery out of my strategy to switch off my phone
**it's getting so expensive now that I am afraid this trip will be our last to Dong Chong. In the future we will have to go to Conghua or Qingyuan again. Also pretty good places though.
The 100th Full Moon Hash & #1290 - The Aftermath Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
This is probably the most major event in the history of Guangzhou city running - The 100th Full Moon Hash. Our GM Gorf has found a fantastic virgin trail that starts from the Mango Bar. How convenient! Meet Friday, October 10th @ 7PM for registration. Hash starts @ 7.30 PM. This is a t-shirt-and-dinner run, so bring 120 RMB to get the all-inclusive...
More excitement on Saturday, October 11th, when the weekend continues with an extra virginal trail. Conveniently enough, we will meet at the Mango Bar @ 1.30 PM. Shoeless Ho, Dew Lay Lama, Muffdiver and 00 have scuted new prime hash territory for this event.
Sepember & October 2014
# 1288 - The National Scouting Day Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
If something sounds too good to be true then it usually is because of one of two reasons. The first one is that it simply isn't true, and the second one is that it is about something that got initiated by the Guangzhou Hash. Let me give you an example.
The 65th National Scouting Holidays is beginning in just a few days which means that you are probably just now in the process of preparing your personal scouting outing. You need to find a buddy to go with you, check on Google Earth and Google Maps where you want to scout and how to get there, and then do what the inventors of the National Scouting Holidays intended us to do during this week off: Explore new paths for the benefit and betterment of the entire hash society in Guangzhou. As always, up to two hares run for free and the Hash is reimbursing taxi and flour fees up to 300 RMB. Sounds too good to be true? Well, that is because the Guangzhou Hash is too good to be true*.
On On,
00
*another reason why you should go scouting is because in only a few weeks time one of our Top-4 most active hares will leave us and only return to Guangzhou sporadically. This is a major blow to our hash kennel. If you want to soften the impact and help to keep the quality of the GZH3 trails on the current high level, then get your ass up and go scouting.
# 1287 - The Scapegoat Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Wow, what a huge success the anti-gullibility campaign was last week. We literally got sold out! Here's what happened. When we opened shop people were virtually throwing their money at us. Life was good. Of course, where there is money coming in, there are also always a lot of people with really creative ideas on how to spend it sensibly*. Unfortunately, I didn't listen to them. They might be a nuisance, but - and this is a true story - these people aren't the worst ones. No, these dreadful people from the "Gullible People Support Association" are. Lawyer-type kind of people who threatened to sue my buttock all the way down into the South China Sea if the Hash wouldn't compensate for the psychological damage done to our patients which had paid us upfront in the innocent belief that they would receive some kind of magic potion, rather than becoming the laughing stock of the Guangzhou Hash. Well, I think very differently about this. I think our patients learnt an extremely valuable lesson and the price they** paid was by far too little to now complain about us***. However, these lawyer-types always make me feel intimidated and I immediately offered a settlement. We finally agreed on exactly the same amount that we took in from our gullibility treatment. So, if you feel that you got ripped off last week and want your money back, please be so good as not to bother me or anyone else from the mismanagement****. Instead approach that lawyer-type directly and confront him with your claim. Thank you for your good cooperation.
While gullible people believe everything they hear or read, there are others who are basically just the opposite, albeit nut cases all the same. These people read a thing, make an initial and by all means genuine attempt to think about it, but then twist that new thought beyond recognition and finally deep-fry it in their tiny microwavy brains until it comes back out scrambled, but in a kind of really overcooked way. For example, the last hashvertisement talked about chocolate bars growing on trees and promised eternal enlightenment. At absolutely no point whatsoever did it mention a swimming pool though. So why was everyone complaining when there wasn't one at the B-point? And why was there only a murky lake instead of the pool? That's not what I paid for and certainly not what could be expected after reading the hashvertisement.
CONCLUSION
I think hares shouldn't just promise things without keeping them because that seriously hurts people's feelings. Hence, I would love to call for harsher correctional measures than we are legally permitted to apply. However, for sentimental reason I say we let them off easy this time. Their only punishment shall be to hare again this weekend, but, please, with a proper swimming pool in the end rather than the usual cheap excuses.
When: September 20, 2014 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Hunkaspunk and Constipation*****
On On,
00
* which traditionally means in a hedonistic fashion
**aka 'the Diseased'
***aka 'the Samaritans'
****with a strong emphasis on the word "me"
*****and probably Gorf, too, towards the second 20% of the trail
# 1286 - The Gullible Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Nobody knows for sure, although a lot of people claim that it's been caused by opinion leaders such as the Internet or drinking clubs with running problems. But whomever it is to blame - the spread of gullibility is inevitable. Formerly known as the "Protection Disease*" it has now penetrated all walks of life, and hasn't even stopped at the gate of the Mango Bar. Only very few hashers have ever seen the young and charming Ms. Mi Tuhai from the Health Department in such an emotional state as last night at the Hash Press Conference or, for that matter, seen her at all.
'It's very shameful for me to admit it, but I see no other way than to come out of the closet, so to speak, and to share my story with the world. My husband has been suffering from a very severe case of the gullibilities for many years now,' she said weepingly, making the crowd at the Mango Bar wonder where her husband thought she was hanging out on Wednesday nights**. 'My only hope for him now lies with the ground-breaking rehabilitation program that the Guangzhou Hash has developed to cure all people who have been cursed with this malicious disease.'
Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash, this is true. In order to defend our ridiculously low run fee of 50 RMB*** against the rising tide of inflation the mismanagement has been looking into alternative ways to raise money to fund the hashtivities**** while saving humanity at the same time. The result is a revolutionary medical course against gullibility. If you are suffering from gullibility, then now is the time for you to rejoice. Salvation is just around the corner*****.
Where: Gold Mango Bar
When: Saturday, September 13, 2014 @ 1.30 PM
What: 50 RMB for the run
What else: another 250 RMB if you wish to get cured from gullibility. Pay upfront******.
Hares: Constipation & Hunkaspunk
On a different note, the hares announced that they are going to set the Best Hash Ever with virgin trails through steamy rain forests where chocolate is growing on trees and rivers are made of ice-cold beer, and then along high alpine ridges where mountain spirits will enlighten you about the meaning of life and teach you how to pursue true happiness, and, of course, climaxing with a fancy swim spot at the B-point. Well, I don't know about you, but I am really looking forward to the chocolate*******.
On On,
00
*'He says he's going to use protection!'
**Girl Scout Association.
***or 60 RMB for first timers on the Guangzhou Hash, but that buys them a posh beer can cooler, which can be used during both, summer and winter.
****which of course includes the provision of that juicy German beer with the unpronounceable name.
*****only if you live in Taojin
******this is absolutely vital for the long-term success of the medical course.
*******and for all those Mr. Know-It-Alls: Yes, the pun is intended, since I am fully aware that we are celebrating the "International Chocolate Day" on Saturday. I am not as ignorant as I pretend to be.
# 1285 - The Volunteered Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
today marks the 5th anniversary of the 1st Blitzkrieg Hash which in turn was held to commemorate the 70th anniversary of the beginning of the Blitzkrieg, an endeavor that- from a German point of view - was much more fun in the beginning than five years into it. Besides having become one of the most legendary hashes ever, the 1st Blitzkrieg Hash was also the first time that I found myself in the role of the lead hare. Back then I had three co-hares, and none of them needed to be volunteered. Also back then the harerazor's noblest duty was to decide who would get a spot in the receding hare line and when. If you wanted to be a hare you had to make a reservation at least two or three months ahead, and you had to be considered qualified, too.
Five years later no one is asking for your qualifications anymore. We take whoever can connect an A-point with a B-point. It's not rocket science. So, if you enjoy being a Guangzhou Hasher, get your ass up and go scouting and contribute to your Hash. If not, then the harerazor won't have a choice but to volunteer hares, whether they like it or not. We will give you an idea how that works.
When: Saturday, September 6, 2014 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Hares: tbv*
On On,
00
*to be volunteered
click here to find the Volunteered Hash on the map.
