Guangzhou Hash House Harriers
#1195 - The Teutonic Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
What does the wise mismanagement do when it finds out with a 48-hour-notice that the appointed hare prefers to amuse himself somewhere in the tropics rather than setting another Best Hash Ever here in beautiful Guangzhou? Well, we don’t know what this ominous wise mismanagement would do in such a case and we will probably never find out.
The mismanagement of the Guangzhou Hash however decided to give credit to recent rumors that Germans are natural born fixers, who successfully saved the world on previous occasions, and are currently up to do it once again. The mismanagement argues that it should be even easier for them to save the cuming Saturday by setting a breath-taking trail. Another, and much more important consideration, was that Germans don’t have to to be politely asked, but can conveniently be commanded to do so.
When: Saturday, January 19, 2013 @ 1.30
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: All-German Boys
On On,
00
#1193 - The El Dorado Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
The race for the Best Hash of the Year 2013 is officially On On! The hares of Saturday’s hash announced that they are going to raise the bar sky-high for all following contestants by simply setting a mind-blowing virgin trail, also (humbly) called ‘the Best Hash of the Year 2013 in decades’. And if that weren’t already good enough they also promised to add the most pristine beer stop any Guangzhou Hasher has ever come across. Whether the dinner will be at the run-site or back in town hasn’t been decided yet.
“We will see on Friday when we finally go out to find the legendary ‘El Dorado of Hashing’ that generations of Guangzhou Hashers have been speculating about” said one of the hares. “Maybe they have a nice restaurant around there, too.”
The crowd at the Mango Bar - still inebriated from the New Year’s Eve Party – cheered to the hares upon this announcement, except for one crotchety hasher who for obvious reason hadn’t received an invitation to any party at all.
“Hashers this is, complete bullshit. How can they, be so sure about the trail and the, beer stop when they haven’t even, got a clue where the run is going to, be!” he challenged the hares.
But who gives a flying fuck about what one grumpy and seriously punctuation-challenged hasher has to say, and so the evening went on happily and peacefully, and upon the latter Tony finally displayed his best Louis Armstrong smile.
On a different note: What will change for the Guangzhou Hash in 2013? Well, nothing really. We will carry on to be the best Hash in Greater China. We’ll also continue to defy inflation and keep the run fee at a mere 50 RMB.
Where: Gold Mango Bar
When: Saturday, January 5, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Who: Furry Thing and 00
What: The El Dorado Hash
On On,
00
January & February 2013
#1194 - The No Frills Hash
Yes fellow hashers, a hash with a solid 8.5km run/walk, a circle for everyone, a short trip back to Guangzhou for a meal at our favourite restaurant in Taojin Lu and you will still have time to please the partner by being home early if you wish.
WHERE - Mango Bar
WHEN - 1.30pm Saturday 12.1.13
HARES - Globetwatter & Sir Cum
DINNER - In Town
COST - 50RMB
# 1200 – The Surprise Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
On Saturday, the Guangzhou Hash is turning 1200 runs old. Congratulations, Guangzhou Hash. You are still looking fresh for someone so old.
But enough of all this vain flattery. In order to celebrate this historical event in style, the mismanagement has decided to surprise the Guangzhou Hash with a surprise hash. It’s indeed so much of a surprise that really no one’s got a clue where we are going to. Last night at the Mango Bar, some young studs tried to beat it out of the hares, but they wouldn’t talk. Then we tried to bring them to heel by inducing into them enormous quantities of beer. They still wouldn’t spit it out. And only when one amply experienced member of the diplomatic corps of an unnamed country suggested that since he personally never had come across anyone who had withstood the amount of pain that had been inflicted on the hares, the destination was probably still a surprise to them. Finally, the studs finally aborted the beer boarding.
We may not know where we are going, but we know the following: The bus leaves EARLY! Meeting time is at 11.30 AM on Saturday, February 23, 2013.
The hash does not provide any food for lunch. Bring your own, and maybe bring a bit more, to share it with the less fortunate hashers who’ll just make it out of the bed and to the Mango in time for departure. We will have dinner near the run site.
Where: Gold Mango Bar
When: February 23, 2013 @ 11.30 AM – so get up early
Who: Circle Jerk, Muffdiver and 00
What: anniversary run of epic proportions
On On,
00
#1197 - The Scottish Sailors Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
What do you associate with Scotland? Well, there are two correct answers to this question. If you are not Chinese, you probably have just shouted out ‘haggis!’, haven’t you? See, I knew it. What? You came up with Guinness? Oh dear.
However, if you are Chinese, and in particular if you are Cantonese, you probably just imagined a bunch of Scottish sailors - may their name be Jardine, Dent or whatever - bringing opium to Guangzhou and the rest of China. No doubt that you also associate Scottish sailors with the lost opium wars and the unequal treaties.
Hashers, I don’t know what is more harmful to your health, haggis or opium. Whatsoever, bottom line is that basically everyone has a good reason to be upset about them Scots. So it came a bit of a surprise when two otherwise formidable Scottish hashers, sailors both of them, stood up during the hash press conference at the Mango Bar very late last night to announce their candidacy for being Saturday’s hares.
‘We want to rright ourr wrroongs’, said one Paddy MacDonald*, a highlander with a nearly unintelligible accent. ‘Instead of opium, we want to bring our similarly addictive Best Hash Ever to the people of Guangzhou, and instead of haggis we are going to serve the best that Chinese cuisine has to offer.’
At this moment Hello Sailor drew his long thrusting dagger (I always forget the correct expression for it. It is the dagger that all Scotsmen carry when outside their own house and also often when inside) and made some uncontrolled moves with it in order to emphasize what his co-hare had just told us.
Needless to say that no other volunteers came forward after this, and so everyone happily endorsed the two hares. So, all of ye, cum to the Scottish Sailors Hash.
When: Saturday, February 2, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Hares: Two Scottish sailors
*name similar
On On,
00
#1199 - The Springy Snakey Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Gong Xi Fa Cai and Happy New Year of the Snake!!!
Last night when I asked the hares to tell me something about this week’s hash, they were still in the process of recovering from their spring break. Therefore, they merely hinted ‘springy and snakey’.
Springy – ok. Considering the wonderful weather cuming Saturday I’ve got a pretty good idea what they are talking about. It can obviously only mean that there will be a swimming pool at the B-point. But what the fudge is ‘snakey’ supposed to mean? Does it mean that their trail is winding up and down the mountains in serpentines? Or will the hares just like snakes always stay low and close to the ground? Are they going to bring the pack through private gardens where we are being tempted to pluck and eat ripe apples? And then? Where are we supposed to go from there?
So many questions, and as always the mismanagement has no answers. But also as always, you can easily find out what the hell is going on.
When: Saturday, February 16, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Constipation and Forest Hump
What: Bring your swim gear
On On,
00
#1198 - The Dysfunctional Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Saturday is the last day of the Year of the Dragon and the most important Chinese holiday of the year. People travel all across the country to spend this day together with their beloved ones.
However, not everyone has a happy home to go back to. Some are cursed with being part of a dysfunctional family, maybe even being the most dysfunctional part of their family themselves. It is for these people that the Guangzhou Hash is going to organize another great hash.
What’s the difference then to any other given Saturday if we’ll anyway get the same crowd, you may claim. Well, one difference is that our functional bus drivers already loaded up their vehicles with jiaozi and fireworks, and are currently heading towards their home provinces. This leaves us with no bus and no option but to hold a city run. However, it will be a proper GZH3 run with a lot of mountain trails and great views, and two (!) beer stops.
It has become a tradition on the Guangzhou Hash, that the first as well as the last Hash in any Year of the Dragon are hared by a real dragon. The mismanagement has done a lot of research and finally identified the last remaining dragon on our hash. The mismanagement has no doubt about Angry Dragon’s haring qualities, but has nevertheless asked 00 to be a co-hare. That’s mainly because someone has to make sure that the beer stops are in every regard hash proof. Well done, mismanagement!!!
This time, the Hash will not provide transportation or any drinks. Therefore, the run is FREE.
When: Saturday, February 9, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: Last Dragon Hash
What else: Free Run
What else else: Gong Xi Fa Cai
On On,
00
