Guangzhou Hash House Harriers
July & August 2016
Hashvertisement #1387 - The British Evasion Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
This Saturday's hash will celebrate a pair of WASP revolutions this week with somewhat of a one-day away trip to Qingyuan. As the Americans celebrate 240 years as the world's shining beacon of tolerance, successful government, and ever-increasing waistlines, the British have decided to leave the friendly confines of the EU for their own uncharted waters of freedom. Could this be time for old compatriots to re-unite in a new world order?
This week's hares certainly think so, as the British-American combo takes you to scenic Qingyuan for waterfalls, tough trails, frolicking, hot dogs, WINE, and BEER to celebrate the upcumming American Independence. Raise your glass and get a freedom boner as we get the fuck out of Guangzhou and into some real Hashadelic cuntryside. EARLY DEPARTURE! Arrive at Mango at11:30am and we've made a special rate of 120rmb that includes everything for the day!
What: GZH3 Run #1387: The British Evasion
When: Saturday July 2nd - 11:30AM sharp!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B..11:30AM
Hares: Hello Sailor!, Three Inches of Pain, & Virgin Hare Pornstache
How Much? RMB120 includes bus, dinner, and beer. RMB200 for virgins also includes a GZH3 welcum package!!!
What to Bring? Hiking shoes, swimmies, change of clothes/shoes, sweat.
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
Hashvertisement #1389= The Nautical Family Fuckoff Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
'Tis with a somber note that I be writing this week's hashvertisement, and the GZH3 flag flies at half mast this week in honor of our dearly-departing AssGM. Hello Sailor has held fast at the helm of the Guangzhou Hash through calm seas and high tides, but it's little secret that he's been looking for a more familiar and friendly port to call home.
Speaking at the Guangzhou Hash Press Conference (sponsored by Mango Bar) regarding his decision to raise the main sail, Hello Sailor waxed nostalgiacally about his time in Guangzhou and as part of the Hash. "As I pulled into port and yelled "Land Ho!" those many years ago, I never imagined I'd be here for ten years. But then I didn't pull out of Land Ho and here we are today. Well, I'm excited to move to Glasgow and I've been blessed by the ability to raise my young ensign in such a wonderful city and have him grow as a young man as a part of the Hash."
Speaking at his own press conference in his elementary classroom in Panyu, Little Semen exclaimed to his teacher and herd of classmates, "FUUUUCK OFFFFFF YOU WANKS...."
Needless to say, a Scottish port o' call is just what the GZH3's Nautical Family needs right about now before Little Semen disgraces the family once more and Hello Sailor has to spend another night on the couch. Before they fuck off for greener pastures and calmer seas, however, join in for one last Hash for the greatest AssGM that the GZH3 has had in years! (Sorry Himalaya).
What: GZH3 Run #1389: The Nautical Family Fuckoff Hash
When: Saturday, July 16th - 1:00PM sharp!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B. Best found using a torch.
Hares: Womb Raider, Forget-Me-Twat, & VIRGIN HARE Just Kobe (wsg Cum Cannon)
How Much? 50rmb for GZ hashers and visitors. 120rmb for newcummers includes GZH3 welcum package!
What to Bring? Trail shoes, swimmies, change of clothes, 50-70rmb for dinner.
Bring yourself, bring a virgin, and most importantly, bring all of your charges and down downs for our dear ass leader. Get him drunk!!!
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
Double Hashvertisement: GZH3 Run #1390 and GZFMH3 Run #122
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Celebrate Hunkaspunk's ascendency to GM of the Guangzhou Full Moon Hash. Pound-a-Cherry has set an epic trail to commemorate the occasion, and the moon will shine brighter tonight than any other full moon of the year! Bring your torch and a virgin for the best July Full Moon Run of 2016!
What: GZFMH3 Run #122: The New GM Hash
When: Thursday July 20th - 7:30PM with a torch.
Where: Liede Exit D (Line 5)
Hares: Pound-a-Cherry & Mystery Hare
With the GM ignoring his duties while tramping around the States and the AssGM having abruptly fucked off, there seems to be a power vacuum in the Guangzhou Hash. Without our main mismanagers, logistical fuck-ups aren't occurring, virgins aren't getting lost, and the buses are leaving on time. In need of two hashers who have the capability of fucking up at the same level as Hello Sailor and I, I've decided that this weekend's hares shall be allowed to take over the mismanagement reins until I return...
...therefore, I present to you the temporary GM and AssGM of the Guangzhou Hash....Constipation and Hunkaspunk!
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1391 The Sloppy Seconds Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash...
As you know, this weekend's haring pair attempted some deflouring earlier this month in a virgin area. Despite rave reviews for their swim stops and restaurants, Pound-a-Cherry and Just Paul managed to do what any good GZH3 hare does by failing to make a coherent trail for hashers to follow.
This week, the Dutch East India Duo returns to the same area for another go at it. Even though the Guangzhou Hash has already penetrated this wet and virginal nether region, the hares are hoping that a little extra lubrication* and experience will make her even better the second time around.
Here's hoping for hashadelic weather, beautiful trails, and...unlike Pound-a-Cherry's second time around with his most recent girlfriend...everyone will finish on time.
* - Beer
What: GZH3 Run #1391: The Dutch East India Hash
When: Saturday July 30th - 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Pound-a-Cherry & Just Paul
How Much? 50rmb for GZ hashers and visitors. 120rmb for newcummers includes GZH3 welcum package!
What to Bring? Trail shoes, swimmies, change of clothes, 50-70rmb for dinner.
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
PS. If you have the chance, wish Itchy Britches/Scratch n' Sniff and Donald's Tramp/Hole in the Wall the happiest of meaningless wedding days. We know they already did the important ceremony at the Beach Hash, but apparently silly social customs require them to have another. Congrats guys.
GZH3 Run #1393 The Tortoise and the Hare Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash...
As we enter the second week of the Rio* Olympics, the Guangzhou Hash gives you a Saturday trail that's as awesome as an artificially-enhanced Chinese swimmer**. While 1.6 billion people wait with baited breath to see how many medals*** China will win in the Games, the GZH3 celebrates the upcumming track and field events that feature in the second week...
Besides the Jamaicans, Americans, and more Chinese laboratory specimens, one of the real powers in track and field is Trinidad & Tobago. To celebrate their impending Caribbean dominance, the GZH3 gives you a Trinidadian (or is he a Toboggan?) hare to sprint away from the Hashers.
However, based on our knowledge of Tap Dat Ass' running ability and with corroboration from his wife, we all know that TDA is more of a sprinter and can't do much for more than 15 seconds. Fortunately, we've paired him with the GZH3's resident tortoise, Turtlehead, to finish up after TDA is spent and out of breath****.
Bring yourself, bring your kuai, and bring a virgin for the best running event you'll find this week*****!
*And no, I'm not talking about that vaginal fluid of a beverage that Shoeless and Scratch n' Sniff drink post-Hash.
**Which is kind of an oxymoron altogether.
***25 in diving, 23 in ping pong, 17 in archery, 16 in badminton, and 1 in chemistry.
****Are we still talking about Hash?
*****And if you have a young child, bring them too, or the next time you see them might be on TV as they compete on China's 2028 silver medal gymnastics team.
What: GZH3 Run #1393: The Tortoise & the Hare Hash
When: Saturday August 13th - 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Turtlehead, Tap-Dat-Ass & Mystery Hare!
How Much? 50rmb for GZ hashers and visitors. 120rmb for newcummers includes GZH3 welcum package!
What to Bring? Trail shoes, swimmies, change of clothes, 50-70rmb for dinner.
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1394 The Return of the GM
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash...
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1395 Dusvedanya- The KGB Fuckoff Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash...
After one year of bringing his unrivaled hash wisdom and prominent brow to the Guangzhou Hash, KGB takes his leave from the GZH3 to wherever retired secret agents go to die.
While it's no secret that KGB has entertained his share of femme fatales on the hash during his trip around the Sun with us, none stick out (or make him stick out) like his opposite number in the Chinese Secret Service; Forget-Me-Twat. Among her many attributes*, FMT has a soft spot in her hardened...ahem...soul for KGB, and in honor of his fucking-off from the GZH3, she has decided to set a haring masterpiece in tribute of her departing mark.
To commemorate this, the GZH3 Mismanagement has acquired video from British MI6 of KGB and FMT's first encounter in Hong Kong before his defection to the Soviets: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKQFoPTF8DU
FMT's secret lover and Just Kobe join her in setting what could quite possibly be the best GZH3 trail of September 27, 2016! It might get wet on trail, so bring a pair of thongs for after the trail and then bring your thong for the pool party!
* - Asstributes
What: GZH3 Run #1395: Dusvedanya - The KGB Fuckoff Hash
When: Saturday August 27th - 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Forget-Me-Twat, Just Kobe & Three Inches of Pain (wsg birthday boy Cum Cannon????)
How Much? 50rmb for GZ hashers and visitors. 120rmb for newcummers includes GZH3 welcum package!
What to Bring? Trail shoes, swimmies, change of clothes/footwear, 50-70rmb for dinner.
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain