Guangzhou Hash House Harriers
January & February 2017
GZH3 Run #1414: The Double 14 Hash
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
As the Guangzhou Hash reaches its monumental and long-awaited Double-14 run, the hares have decided to deliver a hash full of tributes to this special number. While 14 might not seem very significant to you, consider the following...
* Saturday's trail will be 14km long (walker's option)
* 14-year-old scotch will be provided by the hares at no cost to the Hash Cash or hashers.
* A total of 14 false trails await you during this ball-buster of a trail.
* 14 is the age at which Itchy Britches lost her virginity after that cool sophomore guy Chad told her "yeah, I totally think that like that new Incubus song is like...sweet."
* Bus leaves at 14:14 SHARP from The Mango Bar.
* Saturday's pollution levels can be found by averaging the numbers 14 and 1414.
* I just realized that I could have written this in a 14-line sonnet....and The Bard wept.
Bring your ball-buster shoes, bring your scotch, bring your mask...and bring 14rmb for the after-party at Cave Bar, which will get you a drink and a lap dance by a 14-year-old dancer. On On!
What: GZH3 Run #1414: The Double-14 Hash
When: Saturday, January 9th - Meet at 1PM SHARP
Where: The Mango Bar - Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Hares: Scratch-n-Sniff, Itchy Britches, & Pornstache
...a few other dates to remember...
Friday, Jan. 13: Full Moon Run #128 by Papasan!
Tuesday, Feb. 7: Full Moon Run #129 by CC!
Sat/Sun, Feb. 25-26: Conghua Hot Spring Weekend
Thu-Sun, Mar. 9-12: 16th All-China Nash Hash in Chengdu
-
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1415: The Shameless Salesmanship Hash
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
As Chinese and expats living in China take part in China's favorite pastime of getting out of China, the best part about China will still be running strong. If you're one of the unlucky ones sifting through last minute visas at your consulate desk or finishing the stitching on my new Solomans, the Guangzhou Hash would like to brighten your spirits at the beginning of this holiday season with new haberdash!
Not sure what to get your wife? Consider one of the new ladies running tank tops, which are guaranteed to accentuate her figure for our viewing pleasure. Can't find a great gift for your boyfriend? The new GZH3 running shorts feature a nice mesh banana hammock in 6 different sizes: Stiff-On, Cold Three Inches of Pain, Turtlehead, Warm Three Inches of Pain, Shoeless Ho, and Thumbelprints.
Bring yourself, bring a virgin, and bring some kuai this Saturday so you can clothe yourself in the finest threads in China that aren't for export.
What: GZH3 Run #1415: The Shameless Salesmanship Hash
When: Saturday, January 14th - Meet at 1PM SHARP
Where: The Mango Bar - Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Hares: Hippie Hunter, I'll Eat Your Puppy, & Just FeiFei
...and don't forget....
Friday, Jan. 13 - TONIGHT- Full Moon Run #128 by Papasan!
Tuesday, Feb. 7: Full Moon Run #129 by CC!
Sat/Sun, Feb. 25-26: Conghua Hot Spring Weekend
Thu-Sun, Mar. 9-12: 16th All-China Nash Hash in Chengdu
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1416:
Tuesday, Feb. 7: Full Moon Run #129 by CC!
Sat/Sun, Feb. 25-26: Conghua Hot Spring Weekend
Thu-Sun, Mar. 9-12: 16th All-China Nash Hash in Chengdu
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1417: The Rise of the Cock
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
After America's women took to the streets this past weekend, the flame of protest and resistance has spread to the Guangzhou Hash, with many of our female hashers gathering at the Mango Bar late on Wednesday evening for their own rally.
"No wine on the hash? No peace!!!", screamed a visibly-incensed Silver Bullet with a mob of estrogen-enraged hariettes gathered around her.
An infuriated Madame Mutt led another poignant chant, "When do we want the circle to finish? More quickly than our boyfriends in bed! When do we want it? Now!!!"
The ladies of the GZH3 are demanding more and more and we're willing to give it to them*. Not only do they now have their own GZH3 tank tops, and not only do they have all the beer they can drink on the hash, but now they're demanding an entire year devoted to them. Therefore, by the powers vested in me by the Guangzhou Hash, passed down from the Motherhash in KL, I give you...
The Year of the Cock. (It's going to be great, ladies...)
*among other things...
What: GZH3 Run #1417: The Rise of the Cock
When: Saturday, January 28th - Meet at 1PM SHARP
Where: The Mango Bar - Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Hares: Turtlehead & Cum Cannon
Thursday, Feb. 9: Full Moon Run #129 by CC!
Sat/Sun, Feb. 25-26: Conghua Hot Spring Weekend
Thu-Sun, Mar. 9-12: 16th All-China Nash Hash in Chengdu
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1418
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1419
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
During the past few days, former GZH3 GM Double-00 has expressed concerns about the qualifications of this weekend's hares, citing their failure to set runs that satisfy Der Former GM's specifications. Given the esteem with which Double-00 is held in the Guangzhou Hash, the hares have decided to "appease" Der Former GM, stating in a press release (sponsored by Mango Bar),
"Knowing full well that Double-00 will be attending this weekend's hash, we have reviewed his preferences and taken necessary measures to ensure the following. There will be no concrete on the run, but also no shiggy in any form whatsoever. The runner's trail will consist of no less than 8.73km and no more than 9.78km in order to allow for ample circle time. The circle will be lengthy and boisterous, but any songs lasting more than 7.23 seconds are strictly prohibited. And finally, we shall give him The Sudetenland!"
On On Saturday because, with all of these check marks checked, there is no reason that Double-00 and the rest of the Hash won't think that this weekend's hash is the best hash ever!!!!
What: GZH3 Run #1419: The Appeasement Hash
When: Saturday, February 11th - Meet at 1PM SHARP
Where: The Mango Bar - Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Hares: Three Inches of Pain & Scratch-n-Sniff
Next order of business! In two weeks we set off for the annual Conghua Hot Spring Hash, and your bus seat is waiting to be reserved. Space is limited to ONE BUS, so it is first cum-first served!
Your run fee gets you two hashes, two circles, two bashes, bus, hotel room, hot spring debauchery, and (of course) all the beer you can ask for! Contact 3IOP, Womb Raider, or Thumbelprints to reserve your spot.
What: GZH3 Runs #1421 & 1422: Conghua Hot Spring Hash Weekend
When: Saturday & Sunday, February 25th-26th. Meet at 11AM on Saturday, return Sunday evening.
Where: The Mango Bar - Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Hares: Turtlehead, Scratch-n-Sniff, & Cum Cannon
Finally - full moon tonight. Torch is very necessary!
What: GZFMH3 Run #129: The Syrian-American Friendship Hash & 30IOP Birthday Bash
When: Thursday, February 9th - 7:30PM Sharp!
Where: The Mango Bar (A-to-A run)
Hares: Cum Cannon & 30IOP
What to Bring? A torch!
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1420 Le Crème de la Crème Hash
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
After hearing a chorus* of cumplaining following last week's rather familiar trail, the AssGM decided to take it upon himself to make the hash great again with a beautiful and well-marked virgin trail. Knowing that he (himself being a prodigious wad of seminal substance) has more than enough in him to spunk up a trail, Hunka has decided to bring along a cohare to collect any of the extra 'drippings' of flour that might go astray. If all goes well, we'll have another excellent Hunka trail complete with orgasmic views, a 400m back check, and of course - beer!
Cum Saturday to see when 'Spunk meets Le Petite Pains de Creme and a new virgin hare is born along the greatest hash ever!
*Actually only Hunka and Constipation.
What: GZH3 Run #1420: Le Crème de la Crème Hash
When: Saturday, February 18th - Meet at 1PM SHARP
Where: The Mango Bar - Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Hares: Hunkaspunk & VIRGIN HARE Creamy Buns
Next weekend is the annual Conghua Hot Spring Hash, and your bus seat is waiting to be reserved. Space is limited to ONE BUS, so it is first cum-first served! We are down to the final ELEVEN spots on the bus so register yourself ASAP.
Your run fee gets you two hashes, two circles, two bashes, bus, hotel room, hot spring debauchery, and (of course) all the beer you can ask for! Contact 3IOP, Womb Raider, or Thumbelprints to reserve your spot.
What: GZH3 Runs #1421 & 1422: Conghua Hot Spring Hash Weekend
When: Saturday & Sunday, February 25th-26th. Meet at 11AM on Saturday, return Sunday evening.
Where: The Mango Bar - Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Hares: Turtlehead, Scratch-n-Sniff, & Cum Cannon
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1421 and #1422 The Cong Hua Hot Spring Hash Weekend
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
Looking forward to the Conghua Hash Weekend, some notes and reminders for you as you plan your weekend of wild trails and the serene after-parties...
1. Pack accordingly. The Religious Advisor recently visited a remote temple at 7,020m in Nepal in hopes of bringing us cooler weather for hot spring debauchery. He managed to drop this weekend's forecast to51 degrees (10 degrees communist) before he was deported for upsetting the monks with his Brian Eno playlist. Bring warm outdoor clothes, but also something skimpy for the hot tub.
2. BYOBreffus. The hotel has a restaurant that you can eat at on Sunday morning, but no promises for those of you on the picky side.
3. Don't forget Passport/ID Card for booking your room. If you forget, you'll be rooming with one of the single men of the hash... (see attachment)
4. Don't be late! Meet at 11am and bus rolls at 11:30 with or without you.....with or without you uh huh...the Hash can live with or without youuuu.
What: GZH3 Runs #1421 & 1422: Conghua Hot Spring Hash Weekend
When: Saturday & Sunday, February 25th-26th. Meet at 11AM on Saturday, return Sunday evening.
Where: The Mango Bar - Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Hares: Turtlehead, Dry Hump, Scratch-n-Sniff, & Cum Cannon
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain