Guangzhou Hash House Harriers
November & December 2016
GZH3 Run #1406: The Kittens and Puppies Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash...
Normally I am not one to be at a loss for words, but for some inexplicable reason I couldn't come up with any material for the hashvertisement this week. Instead, I give you pictures of puppies and kittens.
Speaking of puppies, I'll Eat Your Puppy is not only an Australian that we can finally understand, but he's also setting his virgin GZH3 trail on Saturday! We have one of the GZH3's favorite little kittens to accompany him in The Silver Bullet, and Cum Cannon will be there because of course he is.
Join this Saturday for kittens and puppies' sake and because...wow...you need it.
What: GZH3 Run #1406: The Kittens & Puppies Hash
When: Saturday, November 12th- 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Cum Cannon, The Silver Bullet, & I'll Eat Your Puppy
What: Social Run
When: Friday, November 11th- 6:30PM
Where: The Strand - Dinner to follow
Hares: YOU
AND tickets are now available for the Christmas Party & Annual Awards. This year's theme is Spies & 60s Swag. You should be thinking about Bond, Austin Powers, villains, femme fatales, or something along the same line. Dress well and accessorize to show your clandestine side.
Tickets are 150rmb in advance or 200rmb after the hash meets at Mango Bar that day. Your ticket includes your entrance to this amazing venue, Mexican dinner, FIVE hours of free flow beer and wine, and the party of the year - don't miss it! Pay at any Hash or send via Wechat to a Hash Cash!
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Social media and the "real" media around the world are taking a break from election chaos to bring you coverage of the "Supermoon" phenomenon that is taking place for the first time in decades. You won't see a moon this big again until 2034 unless Forget-Me-Twat has a posterior wardrobe malfunction. While this Supermoon wouldn't be as interesting as my hypothetical scenario, it still gives the Guangzhou Full Moon Hash a perfect reason for a run that won't be matched for decades!
What: GZFMH3 Run #126: The Supermoon Hash
When: Wednesday, November 16 - 7:30PM Sharp!
Where: Wuyangcun Metro Exit D (Line 5)
Hares: Pound-a-Cherry
What to Bring? Torch!
And don't forget! Saturday, December 10th - GZH3 Christmas Dinner & Annual Awards!
On On!
GZH3 Run #1405: The Malaysian Invasion
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash...
With tensions in the South China Sea at an all-time high, the Reconnaissance Department of the Guangzhou Hash Mismanagement has been on high alert and, in a late press conference at the Mango Bar on Wednesday night, GZH3 spokesman Fill-Her-Up! issued this urgent statement:
"Hashers of Guangzhou, we have a large contingent of Malaysians crashing the GZH3 on Saturday and....as you know...Malaysians aren't to be trusted! They're annoying, they're demanding, they're....they're...."
At this point, Fill-Her-Up! had to take an urgent phone call about what color of draperies to buy, but his point is that we need a HUGE turnout to show the Malaysian City Hash a good time as they crash the GZH3. Two virgin hares will get their first crack at fucking things up, and despite they're inexperience, the Harerazor's message from the front lines is that it's going to be a great one...
ON ON Saturday to welcum the Malaysians on a good, hard GZH3 trail with virgin on virgin action!
What: GZH3 Run #1405: The Malaysian Invasion
When: Saturday, November 5th- 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: VIRGIN HARES Dingleberry & Minuteman
Also note that social runs will be starting (somewhat) regularly beginning tomorrow! This is a minimally-organized evening run where you follow the pack or set your own A-to-A trail. This week we'll be meeting, finishing, and drinking at The Strand before heading to dinner. Send an email or WeChat for more info...
What: Social Run
When: Friday, November 4th- 7:30PM
Where: The Strand - Dinner to follow
Hares: YOU
Finally, tickets are now available for the Christmas Party & Annual Awards. This year's theme is Spies & 60s Swag. You should be thinking about Bond, Austin Powers, villains, femme fatales, or something along the same line. Dress well and accessorize to show your clandestine side.
Tickets are 150rmb in advance or 200rmb after the hash meets at Mango Bar that day. Your ticket includes your entrance to this amazing venue, Mexican dinner, FIVE hours of free flow beer and wine, and the party of the year - don't miss it! Pay at any Hash or send via Wechat to a Hash Cash!
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1407: The Couple of the Year Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash...
This weekend's hash features the GZH3's newest power haring couple, the duo of Hunkaspunk & Hippie Hunter (H3). With such a string of recent trails set together, this GM is beginning to wonder if H3 isn't trying to claim the "Couple of the Year" award for themselves at the upcumming Hash Awards & Christmas Party (see below).
This recent development makes that decision a little more difficult, as I was already scratching my head about which couple to choose. The final five candidates were already decided...
Forget-Me-Twat & Lost Sausage
Scratch-N-Sniff & Itchy Britches
Cum Cannon & Itchy Britches
Triple XXX-Ray & Triple XXX-Ray's right hand
Red Rocket & Just Naomi
With the addition of a sixth couple vying for "Mom & Pop of the Guangzhou Hash," this weekend's trail will go a long way in deciding who is the sexiest, strongest, fastest, best-drinking pair of hashers in the land. Cum Saturday for what promises to be another "Best Hash Ever" by the H3 Boys!!!
What: GZH3 Run #1407: The Couple of the Year Hash
When: Saturday, November 19th- 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Hunkaspunk & Hippie Hunter
Social run tonight!
What: Social Run
When: Friday, November 18th- 6:30PM for 16k run. 7:30 for medium run.
Where: The Strand - Dinner to follow
Hares: YOU
AND tickets are now available for the Christmas Party & Annual Awards. This year's theme is Spies & 60s Swag. You should be thinking about Bond, Austin Powers, villains, femme fatales, or something along the same line. Dress well and accessorize to show your clandestine side.
Tickets are 150rmb in advance or 200rmb after the hash meets at Mango Bar that day. Your ticket includes your entrance to this amazing venue, Mexican dinner, FIVE hours of free flow beer and wine, and the party of the year - don't miss it! Pay at any Hash or send via Wechat to a Hash Cash!
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Social media and the "real" media around the world are taking a break from election chaos to bring you coverage of the "Supermoon" phenomenon that is taking place for the first time in decades. You won't see a moon this big again until 2034 unless Forget-Me-Twat has a posterior wardrobe malfunction. While this Supermoon wouldn't be as interesting as my hypothetical scenario, it still gives the Guangzhou Full Moon Hash a perfect reason for a run that won't be matched for decades!
What: GZFMH3 Run #126: The Supermoon Hash
When: Wednesday, November 16 - 7:30PM Sharp!
Where: Wuyangcun Metro Exit D (Line 5)
Hares: Pound-a-Cherry
What to Bring? Torch!
And don't forget! Saturday, December 10th - GZH3 Christmas Dinner & Annual Awards!
On On!
GZH3 Run #1408: The Chicken Feet Hash
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
The holiday that is Thanksgiving weekend is upon us and, for this GM's money, it is the grandest of all holidays. No church, no gifts, and no crowded train stations to deal with...just a holiday centered around the Five F's; friends, family, food, and football*. In the spirit of giving and thanking you, the hashers of Guangzhou, the GZH3 and its affiliated departments offer you THREE straight days of hash activities!
Fill-Her-Up gets us started tonight with a Thanksgiving version of the Metro Hash. Cum see what this peeping tom has in store for you. With such a long weekend of eating and drinking ahead of you, lezzzbehonest: you need to put some KMs under your belt.
What: GZ Metro Hash #2: The Thanksgiving Hash
When: TONIGHT! Thursday, November 24th- 19:30PM Sharp!
Where: Lines 2&6: Haizhu Square Station Exit F
Hare: Fill-Her-Up!
Next cums an early Friday social run. Yes, the start time is early, but this is only so we have time afterward to properly hit happy hour at The Brew to continue our weekend of gluttony and merriment.
What: Social Run
When: Friday, November 25th- 6:00PM.
Where: The Brew ZJNT
Hares: YOU
For your Thanksgiving weekend dessert, we have some virgin trail featuring some virgin hares to whet your appetite. Pound-a-Cherry will claim another pair of virgins and is topping it off with what he calls a first-rate chicken feasting experience at the B point. Considering it is also Forget-Me-Twat's birthday, a chicken feast is most appropriate. Let's just make sure we get her properly-lubricated before dinner so that she passes out and there will be some chicken for the rest of us. I'm sure if we leave this job to No Means No, we'll not have to worry about FMT being anywhere near the dinner table.
Cum Saturday for a feast of chicken, a wild beer stop, and the best Thanksgiving hash of the year!
What: GZH3 Run #1408: The Chicken Feast Hash
When: Saturday, November 26th- 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Pound-a-Cherry, Just Alvaro, and Just Kasia.
*Cum Saturday to find out what the 5th "F" is
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Social media and the "real" media around the world are taking a break from election chaos to bring you coverage of the "Supermoon" phenomenon that is taking place for the first time in decades. You won't see a moon this big again until 2034 unless Forget-Me-Twat has a posterior wardrobe malfunction. While this Supermoon wouldn't be as interesting as my hypothetical scenario, it still gives the Guangzhou Full Moon Hash a perfect reason for a run that won't be matched for decades!
What: GZFMH3 Run #126: The Supermoon Hash
When: Wednesday, November 16 - 7:30PM Sharp!
Where: Wuyangcun Metro Exit D (Line 5)
Hares: Pound-a-Cherry
What to Bring? Torch!
And don't forget! Saturday, December 10th - GZH3 Christmas Dinner & Annual Awards!
On On!
GZH3 Run #1409: The Make the Hash Cash Great Again
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
If you were smart enough to attend last Saturday's hash, you were treated to beautiful trails, some peaceful moments of reflection during a lovely run, and one of the most cold, brave, and admirable hot ass winners in ages. You may also have seen that the cold/wind/rain kept our numbers below what our beloved Hash Cash has said are appropriate to keep the Hash afloat. It was late into Saturday evening, shivering and sipping beer for warmth at the Mango Bar, that I called Thumbelprints and explained how we'd only had 14 hashers. In her usual calm and reassuring manner, she told me that everything would be alright as long as we restored next week's numbers*.
With that in mind...
...the GM and Master Hare Cum Cannon have prepared a run that will surely bring all of you out of your caves and into the sunlight. Shoeless has appeased the Hash Gods for some hashadelic weather**, and we're even flying in GZ hashers from the US to make sure that we have some experts in making things great*** again.
On On Saturday for a chance to make up for last week and to put the GZH3 back on a stable financial footing!
*We also need more Hash Cash to offset the increase in tuition at Stiff-On's kindergarten.
**It's amazing what you can do with a tin foil hat.
***Grate. As in our wonderful bagged cheese.
What: GZH3 Run #1409: The Couple of the Year Hash
When: Saturday, December 3rd- 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Cum Cannon & Three Inches of Pain
Buy your tickets! for the Christmas Party & Annual Awards. This year's theme is Spies & 60s Swag. You should be thinking about Bond, Austin Powers, villains, femme fatales, or something along the same line. Dress well or.....if that's too much work.....accessorize with something simple to show your clandestine side.
Tickets are 150rmb in advance or 200rmb after the hash meets at Mango Bar that day. Your ticket includes Mexican dinner, FIVE hours of free flow beer and wine, and the party of the year - don't miss it! Pay at any Hash or send via WeChat to Three Inches of Pain, Womb Raider, or Thub!
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1410: The Christmas Party Hash
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
The GZH3 braces itself for another best party ever and we've got a perfect looong and haaaard trail set for tomorrow. You know the kind of drunken debauchery that awaits you on Saturday night, so make sure that you earn a little bit of it by getting after the live hares at tomorrow's hash. We'll be returning to the Mango early enough for everyone* to go home and change before reassembling at Party Pier's Anchor Bar for the Annual Awards & Christmas Party.
*Everyone except Forget-me-Twat, who is already working on applying the mascara that will wash away as she cries into the toilet after 3 drinks.
Find the attached map that our host, Rubbed Out, has created for us to find the Anchor Bar once you arrive at Party Pier at 7:30pm SHARP. Any problems, just ask, and remember the theme for tomorrow's party: SPIES & 60's Swag.
On On tomorrow and prepare thyselves for what will certaily be the best annual party of the year!
What: GZH3 Run #1410: The Christmas Party Hash
When: Saturday, December 10th- 1:00PM Sharp! Early return to Mango at 5:00-5:30
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Scratch-n-Sniff & Three Inches of Pain
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1411: The Revenge of the Hash Cash
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
While making arrangements for last weekend's Christmas Party, our beloved hash cashes were responsible for the amount of alcohol that was ready for our consumption. Thinking about how much they are able to drink themselves, Thumbelprints, Bollyboobs, and Womb Raider (freshly off of the K2Fit Challenge) decided that about one glass of wine and 2-3 glasses of beer were able to sufficiently inebriate the hash masses. Speaking at the post-party press conference at the Mango Bar, the ladies of the cash discussed the results...
"In only a minute percentage of my theoretical models did consumption fall within such a minuscule range that would affirm the results of such an outlying and outrageous proportion of alcoholic intake that was achieved in the actual field study," stated a baffled Womb Raider.
"Why drink so much?! Ruin the hash cash laaa," exclaimed a furious Thumbelprints.
"Next time we need more vegetarian options and I tink you should all switch to herbal tea before you all go to the hells," offered Bollyboobs with a wobble of her head for effect.
To punish the Guangzhou Hash for its gluttonous and drunken ways, The Head Hash Cash and her mister(ess) have designed a trail for tomorrow that will make you think twice about draining the hash funds with your over-indulgence. Not only will it be loooong and haaard, but you'll be lucky to find any beer or soda after the run in a drastic cost-cutting move by Thumbelprints*.
Cum Saturday for the punitive damages to be assessed by the Hash Cashes and to seek penance for last weekend's sins!
*Luckily, the BeerMeister does not share the same sentiment about limiting the beer as the Hash Cash.
What: GZH3 Run #1411: The Revenge of the Hash Cash
When: Saturday, December 17th- 1:00PM SHARP!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Fill-Her-Up! & Thumbelprints
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1412: Twas the Night Before Christmas
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
Turtlehead claims that he has found a pandora's box of trails that he plans to give to you tomorrow for the GZH3 Christmas Eve hash. Not only that, you might be able to find yourself enjoying a nice turkey dinner for Christmas Eve if the hares are in a giving mood. Hopefully it will be a better gift than the empty bottle of Miller High Life that was hurled at Turtlehead's noggin on Christmas Eve in 1998.
Triple XXX-Ray joins him as sugar plum fairies dance in his head*. As you may have seen in the Hash Awards presentation, this week's co-hare has a little more muscle in one arm than the other, so my advice to you is to turn right at every check.
On On tomorrow for what will surely be the best Christmas Eve hash in years!
*Sugar plum fairies rubbing each other with oil.
What: GZH3 Run #1412: 'Twas the Night Before Christmas
When: Saturday, December 24th- 1:00PM SHARP!
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: T2: Turtlehead & Triple XXX-Ray
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
GZH3 Run #1413 & GZ Metro Hash #3
Ladies and "Gentlemen" of the Guangzhou Hash,
2016 gave us Brexit, President Trump, 'Suicide Squad,' that one trail by Three Inches of Pain, heinous acts of terrorism, No Means No, and an endless list of other tragedies. It also took a number of legends from us; Prince, Bowie, Himalaya, Arnold Palmer, Leonard Cohen, Hello Sailor, Muhammad Ali, Princess Leia, and Double-00*.
Cum Saturday to not only celebrate the official fucking-off of 2016, but also the fucking off of Thumbelprints on Jan. 1 as she returns to Malaysia. We've become so liberated that the Hash Cash is leaving that the best caption on the attached photo wins a FREE HASH. Go.
As many of you have likely committed to spending 1000s of RMB on shitty service at overcrowded parties, there will be NO HASH DINNER and the bus will be leaving B-point around 6:30.
*Coincidentally, both Carrie Fisher and Double-00 looked great in a gold bikini in 1983.
What: GZH3 Run #1413: Fuck Off 2016
When: Saturday, December 31st- 1:00PM SHARP! No hash bash means early arrival to Mango - approx. 7:30pm.
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Thumbelprints & Fill-Her-Up!
To get the ball rolling on hashing in 2017, the Guangzhou Metro Hash makes its 3rd run as we continue the haring education of Seedy Gonzales. Will he learn to cum slowly and lovingly like Turtlehead, or will he prematurely and quickly spray his seed all over Guangzhou like Cum Cannon?
We'll see who is able to seduce Seedy with their methods as we run A-to-A from Xiangang Exit D, which is on the new eastern extension of Line 6. Follow the flour from Exit D to find the A-Point restaurant a short walk away. Dinner/beer will be divided equally.
What: GZMetroHash #3: The Sexual Education of Seedy
When: Monday, January 2nd - Meet at 1PM, On On at 1:30PM
Where: Xiangang Metro Exit D (Line 6) (Follow flour to A)
Hares: Cum Cannon, Turtlehead, & Seedy Gonzalez
2016 gave us Brexit, President Trump, 'Suicide Squad,' that one trail by Three Inches of Pain, heinous acts of terrorism, No Means No, and an endless list of other tragedies. It also took a number of legends from us; Prince, Bowie, Himalaya, Arnold Palmer, Leonard Cohen, Hello Sailor, Muhammad Ali, Princess Leia, and Double-00*.
Cum Saturday to not only celebrate the official fucking-off of 2016, but also the fucking off of Thumbelprints on Jan. 1 as she returns to Malaysia. We've become so liberated that the Hash Cash is leaving that the best caption on the attached photo wins a FREE HASH. Go.
As many of you have likely committed to spending 1000s of RMB on shitty service at overcrowded parties, there will be NO HASH DINNER and the bus will be leaving B-point around 6:30.
*Coincidentally, both Carrie Fisher and Double-00 looked great in a gold bikini in 1983.
What: GZH3 Run #1413: Fuck Off 2016
When: Saturday, December 31st- 1:00PM SHARP! No hash bash means early arrival to Mango - approx. 7:30pm.
Where: Mango Bar - Taojin Metro Exit B
Hares: Thumbelprints & Fill-Her-Up!
To get the ball rolling on hashing in 2017, the Guangzhou Metro Hash makes its 3rd run as we continue the haring education of Seedy Gonzales. Will he learn to cum slowly and lovingly like Turtlehead, or will he prematurely and quickly spray his seed all over Guangzhou like Cum Cannon?
We'll see who is able to seduce Seedy with their methods as we run A-to-A from Xiangang Exit D, which is on the new eastern extension of Line 6. Follow the flour from Exit D to find the A-Point restaurant a short walk away. Dinner/beer will be divided equally.
What: GZMetroHash #3: The Sexual Education of Seedy
When: Monday, January 2nd - Meet at 1PM, On On at 1:30PM
Where: Xiangang Metro Exit D (Line 6) (Follow flour to A)
Hares: Cum Cannon, Turtlehead, & Seedy Gonzalez
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain