Guangzhou Hash House Harriers
#1149 - The Green Hat Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
It’s the time of the year again, when people wear green, get funny, and consume large quantities of beer. Yes, you guess right, Saturday is Lá Fhéile Pádraig, or St. Patrick Day as we call it in the civilized world.
So, wear green! If you don’t have a green shirt, put at least a green hat on. The locals will appreciate this display of Hash Respect to St. Paddy.
Another option: come as a catholic priest. (Parents, watch out for dear precious!).
When: Gold Mango Bar
Where: Saturday, March 17th, 2012, at 1.30 PM
Who: Globetwatter and Sir Cum
On On,
00
#1151 - The Confusing Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Ever since 1984, or 28 years ago, when our distinguished Hash met to run and drink for the first time, morality has declined dramatically in Guangzhou.
‘Yes’, are you probably calling out in fullest agreement, ‘innocence and virginity cannot be found in our city anymore.’
But is this really true?
Not so, if you give any credit to what the hares claim.
‘It’s a miracle’ they asserted with a very, very serious face during the Hash Press Conference at the Mango Bar late last night.
‘Just when we got convinced that this city had completely gone down the drain, we found this trail. It’s not only a virgin, but also a beauty. And AS YOU KNOW, that's an extremely rare combination.’
And this is how the young and charming Ms. Mi Tuhai from the Health Department commented.
’What??? 28, and still a virgin? Certainly, that can’t be healthy! Or can it…? Oh, I am so confused now’
If you really need to know the answer, cum and find out. Or find out and cum. Or find yourself cumming out…? Damn, I am really confused now, too.
When: Saturday, March 31st, 2012 at 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: Happy Defloration
Hares: Cougar Bait, 00 and a very curious Ms. Mi Tuhai
On On,
00
#1148 - The International Women's Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
AS YOU KNOW, today is the International Women’s Day, and it goes without saying that the Guangzhou Hash celebrates our most appreciated members: Women…
Tonight the festivities start with a Full Moon Hash. After long and hard discussions your generous mismanagement has decided not to be cheap and to honor our female hashers by not only granting them a 20%, 50% or 80% discount, but by slashing the run fee altogether. Wow!
The dinner damage, however, will be split among ALL hashers, regardless whether boy or girl.
When: Thursday, March 8, 2012, at 7.30 PM
Where: Metro Line 5, Xiaobei Station, Exit A
On Saturday, the frenzy continues. The mismanagement has asked the two most sophisticated women-understanders on the Hash to set a run, which will be even better than last week’s girlie hash.
If you happen to be a female hasher you may probably ask right at this moment, ‘And what’s in it for me?’. Well, the answer to that is in fact quite spectacular: One of the hares, the one who knows what women want, better than any other man on the hash, and probably even better than most women themselves, will give all harriettes a long and heart-warming hug AFTER the run. For FREE. Wow again!!
And the TREAT OF THE DAY (also for men): ice cold Tiger Beer on the bus and in the circle. Triple Wow!!!
When: Saturday, March 10, 2012, at 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Hunkaspunk and Home Cumming
On On,
00
#1150 - Home Cumming's F@ck Off Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Having so royally failed to make a good first impression on the Hash, Home Cumming is now determined to clear his name once and for all.
‘I want hashers to remember me for having set the Best Hash Ever’, he was heard saying during the hash press conference at the Mango last night, ‘and not for all that other filth’.
Will he be able to keep such a big promise? And more importantly: Will he succeed in making not only a long lasting last impression on the hashers, but also a good one?
If you want to know the answers, don’t miss Home Cumming’s Home Going!
When: Saturday, 24th of March, 2012, at 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Home Cumming & Constipation
On On,
00
March & April 2012
#1152 - The Small Talk Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Shamefully, during last week’s circle, the highly anticipated celebrations in honor of the hares got somewhat drawn out of the focus of attention. Instead of carrying the glorious heroes of the day on their shoulders, and praising them for having set the Best Hash Ever, some smart-mouthed hashers had to start an intense and very, very dreadful philosophical discussion on the nature of virginity. Some clowns claimed that it’s not possible to be just a little bit virginal, meaning that one is either 100% virginal - or not virginal at all. Others (women of course…) asserted that virginity is merely an antiquated concept used to oppress their species. In all fairness: That all sounds like a big pile of bullshit to me. I still remember what my old father had to say about this when I was a little boy.
‘Virginity lies in the eye of the beholder’, he preached time and time again.
Shouldn’t that make us think? I think not.
Still, it was infuriating to see how the hares didn’t receive the ovations they had earned. I guess it is true when they say that life isn’t fair, and that our world isn’t a perfect one. And maybe I even have to blame myself a tiny, tiny little bit for this cock-up, since I was the author of the hashvertisement which eventually stirred up all this irritating trash talk.
You live, you learn. So, in order to save this week’s hares from the same degrading fate that their pitiable peers had to endure last week, I have banned all controversial issues from this week’s hashvertisement! Instead, it’s entirely on innocuous and rather irrelevant topics, such as why wooden shoes are really great for haring, cheese builds better bodies, Heineken will never be the Hash Beer of Choice, and the Dutch economy is at the brink of a collapse.
When: Saturday, April 7th, 2012, at 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Hunkaspunk and Constipation
What: loads of virgin trails
On On,
00
#1153 - The Home Early Hash
Yes, folks you read it right! If you have something else on but still want to cum to the Hash, this one is for you!!!!!!!!
Cum have a good walk/run, have a cold beer or 3, and if you skip dinner you can still be home in time to kiss your children or mother good night.
If you want to stay and indulge, not a problem as dinner will be close to transport and the night life of GZ.
As you can see the hares are 2 very considerate individuals who will be catering to everyones fantasies.
C U all at the Mango 1.30pm Saturday, April 14th, 2012
P.S - Price still only 50rmb and there will be a walkers trail
#1154 - The Questionable Hash
Onon,
Some people are born great hares, some are not. Cum this Saturday to
see to which of these groups Constipation and Hunkapsunk belong! Other
important questions that will be answered are:
Will one bus be enough?
Is anybody actually reading the PRD's newest and most objective glossy
"In the Red"?
Will Saturday be really the only day this week without rain?
Did Constipation and Hunkaspunk whack enough bushes?
Will Matt remember his promise of wednesday night?
Will there be Sunshine?
Will OO Dirk's objective writing for "in the Red" about our hash have
any effect?
Will the bus brake down again?
Will this really be the best hash of the year?
Will Sir Cum follow Globetwatter this time or stay with the girls again?
Will snack diva Diarrhea show up again?
come to see
Saturday 13.30 Mango!
"Dinner" on site!
#1155 -The Incredible Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Hash!
This weeks run will offer incredible things!
1.) A luxury bus to bring you to the run site!
2.) A runsite you have never seen before!
3.) A trail you never ran before!
4.) A trail that is laid so excellently, that it will go down in history!
5.) 2 Hares that could easily pass as Gods!
6.) Cold beverages in an amazing variety!
7.) A circle with an astonishing level of high cultur!
8.) A bus ride back with lots of piss stops!
9.) A dinner that would make the most famous restaurants in Paris envious!
..... Or will it be the usual bullcrap:
A) Shitty bus
B) Shitty runsite
C) Shitty trail
D) Shitty and confusing laid trail
E) 2 Hares that could easily pass as Gods
F) Shitty cheap warm beer
G) Shitty circle
H) On the bus ride back your bladder will explode
I) If you survive dinner, you will sue the restaurant
Be there to find out the truth! Saturday 1:30 at the Gold Mango. Dinner will be back in town!