Guangzhou Hash House Harriers
#1215 - Malaysians on Tour Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash
When: Tuesday, May 14th at 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
or
When: at 2.30 PM
Where: Guang Wai University
Hares: Globetwatter and 00
Run fee: 20 RMB only
Issue: International reputation of GZH3 at stake
The KL Hash has sent 18 representatives to explore hashing in China. They have already toured most of the country, and seen quite a number of hashes, but they are smart people and have saved the best for last. So let’s welcome them to the Guangzhou Hash.
I understand that some of you have real day jobs, but why not call in sick? That way you won’t have to miss the run on Tuesday. Yes, that’s right, that’s in two days from now.
We meet at the Mango Bar at 1.30 PM. However, seats on the bus are very limited, so it is IMPORTANT that you contact me if you want to be on it. The run site is nearby in Baiyun Park. So maybe you want to consider getting there by bus or taxi. The A-point is about 1km north of the Baiyun Mountain Park West Gate. Turn right at the Foreign Language University and follow the road for a few hundred meters. We will begin flouring the trail from the sidewalk. We have started many runs from there. The hares are off at 2.30 PM.
For those who prefer buses: #1 bus goes directly to the A-point, but there aren't many of them. Take #245 instead and get off at the main entrance of Guang Wai University and walk down the road to the A-point.
The dinner will be at the infamous hash restaurant at the South Gate of the Baiyun Park.
Q: Why is the run fee 20 RMB only? That seems to be very cheap.
A: Yes, it is cheap, even though transportation isn’t included.
On On,
00
#1213 & #1214 - The Kiwi F@ck Off Hashes
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
UPDATE RED DRESS CHARITY
Once again, on behalf of the two orphans, a big thank you to all the hashers who made donations. You really pulled it off this time and put the smile back on their angel faces!
In a dramatic race against the school’s deadline, we managed to raise another 1500 RMB in a matter of just a few (miraculous) minutes* at the end of the last hash dinner. With this final contribution we are able to put the children through the entire school year and save them from a life on the streets – at least for now. Say hooray, if you can get off on these sorts of things. If not, then it’s possibly really good news to you that Thumbleprints or Hunkaspunk won’t push*** you to do any further good until next year’s Red Dress Hash. So say Hooray, too.
FULL MOON HASH
In return for your generous and voluntary donations, Hunka and Thumble have done and will do really good things to you these days. Let’s talk about Hunkaspunk first. As the Religious Advisor of the Full Moon Hash he has carried out extensive mystical rituals**** to determine the most auspicious date for another Best Full Moon Hash Ever, and ordered the hares to set it on exactly that day. Well done, RA!
When: Thursday, 23rd of May 2013 @ 7.30 PM
Where: Haizhu Square Station, Exit A, Line 2
Who: Missing With Action and Forest Hump
By almost unbelievable coincidence, this is exactly the day when our veterans fly in. But maybe it isn’t a mere coincidence but rather the disguised will of the hash gods that the veterans shall join the Full Moon Run? Who knows? The hash gods’ ways are nearly as mysterious as Hunkaspunk’s towards the end of any of his shamanic ceremonies.
KIWI FUCK OFF HASH
Let’s talk about Thumbleprints next. Satisfied with having spared two kids from selling their innocence to the highest bidder in some filthy backstreet alley, Thumbleprints is now twice as motivated to carry out her duties as Hash Cash and Chief Hare Consultant during the upcoming Kiwi Fuck-Off Hash. Some claim that her job in Yingde should be extremely simple this year. With so many veterans around she wouldn’t have to worry about Dumb Dumb***** for a single moment and could focus entirely on organizing everything else.
Let me clarify one small but important detail. Veterans aren’t necessarily pet doctors, and our particular veterans have other things on their agenda than providing a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a middle-aged, neutered dog. In fact, they have absolutely no track record of dog rescues at all and are not qualified to avoid dog fatalities******. They are attending the hash frenzy in their capacities as former dicknitaries of our distinguished Hash, and fly in from places as far away as the USA or Taiwan to pay tribute to the Globetwatter and her Sir Cum Navigator; and of course to party like hash-frenzy crazy. So welcome back Soggy Biscuit, Filthy Habits and all the other vets.
APPROPRIATE HASH BEHAVIOUR
As nice as it is to have the veterans back: Since they aren’t real veterinarians, and cannot help Thumbleprints with Dumb Dumb, you’ll all have to be super supportive to her. You do so by simply following her instructions instantly and without questioning them, especially when we check in or check out of the hotel. Remember: Her job is the most stressful one this weekend, and if she asks you for money, it’s probably for a perfectly good reason. If you fail to comply you put Dumb Dumb’s life at risk, and if anything happens to the dog you’ll have his death on your conscience and to live with this burden for the rest of your miserable life. Please keep in mind that with 100+ hashes he is GZH3’s only centurion dog. You see, it’s really not worth to be rebellious. So, as long as your name isn’t Stefon or Dumb Dumb, just do as Thumbleprints says*******.
RUN FEE…
Thumbleprints also did the meth again, or - to be precise - she’s redone my meth. When I previously did it, I obviously based it on an altered logical concept. My bad, I’m really sorry. To make a short story a bit longer: the run fee for the weekend hash can stay as low as 350 RMB, no matter whether 66, 76 or 86 hashers sign up. Well done, Hash Cash!
I have to admit, I was never able to get truly fond of meth. Not in school, and certainly not during my time in China. Fortunately, I must say now. Only very recently I found out that it does shocking things to decent people, and already did so to a dearly loved role model of mine (see attachment if you’re over 18. Warning: The images are deeply disturbing and can forever change the memory of your childhood).
…and what you’ll get for it – A GREAT DEAL
2 great fun rides on the hash bus, one to Yingde, and one back to GZ on Sunday afternoon. And yes, we’ll pay the toll fees and take the freeway in order to minimize the number of pee stops.
1 in more than one way breath-taking trail on Saturday
1 flawless hangover hash on Sunday
Cold beer and softies throughout the weekend
Dinner on Saturday
Lunch on Sunday
Saturday night in a standard double bed room at an infamous Hash Hotel, in pinyin called the supei fan heshi haosi binguan
2 great hash T-shirts, designed by two legendary hash shirt designers
EXECUTIVE SUMMARY
When: Friday, May 24, at 7 PM. Bus leaves at 7.30 PM
When else: Saturday, May 25, at 10 AM. Bus leaves at 10.30 AM
Return: Sunday, late afternoon. Hard to tell exact time, so don’t bother asking
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: Pay tribute to (aka ‘fuck off’) our most glamorous hashers
Who: Globetwatter, Sir Cum Navigator
Hares: Gorf, Furry Thing, Circle Jerk, Thumbleprints, Globetwatter, Sir Cum
FRIDAY BUS
If you go on Friday you’ll have to pay for the hotel and the food on that day. The official event is from Saturday to Sunday only, and only then the Hash is paying. We have very few seats left on this bus, and it might be full by the time you have finally cum to this point of the hashvertisement.
SATURDAY BUS
We will most probably have some empty seats available on Saturday morning. But if you just show up at the bus, we cannot necessarily guarantee a hotel room for you. Anyway, if you cannot make an earlier decision, then just do it. We’ll probably find a way to sort things out, as long as you bring enough money with you, and are not opposed to getting publicly humiliated in the circle.
Important: Bring your own lunch, or bring more to share it with others. When you arrive in Yingde you will first have to run, circle-up and check-in before you get anywhere near a proper source of non-liquid food.
Let us know if you make up your mind and decide to go, and let us know as soon as possible!!! We will then make all necessary follow-up arrangements.
BREAKFAST
Apparently, if you do the meth right you don’t feel the urge for a proper breakfast anymore. Therefore, the Hash Cash concluded that it cannot be included in our super low, heavily subsidized run fee of ridiculously little 350 RMB. Instead, the hotel can provide a Chinese breakfast buffet without coffee for 13 RMB per head. However, this needs to be ordered 24 hours in advance, and we are doubtful that such an advance arrangement would work out in reality. If you want to be on the safe side, follow the mismanagement’s wise recommendation and bring some breakfast along. There is no other restaurant nearby our hotel. But don’t you start worrying now. We’ll make sure that you’ll get somewhat safely to all the other meals.
STAYING BEHIND IN GZ
There is no slimmed hash run or anything like this in or around Guangzhou. The entire mismanagement is going to Yingde, so you either cum with us, or you are screwed. There is absolutely nothing to do anywhere else in the city. Best thing you could do is to knock yourself out. If you choose this option, order large quantities of alcoholic beverages at the Gold Mango Bar and consume them immediately. Reorder even before you have finished them. Remember: If you support Tony’s bar, you also support the Guangzhou Hash.
The second best thing you can do is to join the Shekou Hash in Shenzhen, although I am not sure whether they really want to have sociopaths like you, who won’t go to Yingde when having absolutely nothing else to do. Check out their home page for the next run, and their policy on nutcases.
On On,
00
*no further explanation offered on this one: “Tits out for the Kids”! I also would like to assure all those hashers who may feel that they might have been slightly victimized during Saturday night’s spielbergesque finale**, that everything that happened only happened for the greater good. And it still continues to do so. By the way, can anyone tell me how one can sell ‘bizarre’ photos online without raising the attention of the internet police?
**in the end the good ones win, in this case the kids
***some claim ‘to push’ is a misleading term, and it should be called ’to extort’
****this isn’t as easy as you might think, and it is almost always accompanied by a colossal headache the next morning
*****Dumb Dumb is known as Dong Dong outside the Hash
******dog rescues are part of the hash gods’ job descriptions. In fact, that’s exactly why we originally created them, right after last year’s unfortunate dog incident.
*******if you still want to be a smart ass and disobey our Hash Cash, please read the sentence below and confirm to us in written that you have fully understood its meaning and probable consequences
#1210 - The Reunion Hash
After both Hares had actually quite satisfactory little haring affairs with Forest Hump, Hunkaspunk and Constipation have decided to get together again to set another Best Ever run just like in the good old days.
So the usual remarks after a H. & C. run can be heard again this Saturday:
-“Stunning!” “Epic!” “Amazing!” “Wow!” “Great!” “Definitely Best Ever!”
-“YOU STOLE MY RUN, I PLANNED TO DO THIS ONE BUT I THINK I AM SURE I GOT ANOTHER GOOD ONE. I WANT TO BE THE HARE NEXT WEEK, CAN I?” (GPS)
-“Much better than the casual sex I had last night. Btw guys, I don’t want to drink tonight but I happen to have brought a bottle of Vodka………..”
(Itchy & Scratchy)
-“Great Ash, Ares, tanks!” (YCS, Gorf, Pascal)
-“Whatever, it helped me to get rid of my hangover so let’s start drinking again.” (Constipation)
Further details:
-Meet at Mango Bar this Saturday at 1:30PM
-50 rmb in real notes, excl. dinner. Anybody paying with fake notes will be publicly flogged by Tumbleprints!
-Great weather
-Optional on-the-spot dinner like there is no tomorrow
ONON!!
Constipation
#1211 - The Annual Red Dress Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
You receive this hashvertisement already today so that you'll have enough time to make all necessary arrangements before the special event on Saturday.
Those of you who only joined us during the past 12 months haven’t probably yet realized how dearly the tradition of the Red Dress Run is held by the old timers on the Guangzhou Hash, and how dearly it will soon be held by you, too. Hence, it’s not only my honor but rather my duty to enlighten you.
And in order to make this job as easy - or even easier - as possible, please find below a highly revealing article on this subject. It was published in one of the first issues of the In the Red magazine; at a time when its makers were still trying to make a difference on the English language magazine scene in Guangzhou by occasionally displaying patterns of journalistic behavior. Those days are long gone, but the article is still as informative and up-to-date as if it were made up just this morning.
The mismanagement has decided to continue the support for the Orphan Education Society, the charity organization mentioned in the article. There is also a link to their entirely Chinese homepage at the bottom of the article. So please bring some extra cash for the poor kiddos.
In order to get an idea about what to wear on such a classy occasion check out the attached pictures from last year’s run.
Quote from ‘In the Red’:
On a hot and humid day in May 2011, a local TV station aired an interview with the elderly Mrs. Wong, who had just returned from the Long Yan Dong reservoir, where she fetches fresh spring water.
‘I had finished my break, and was carrying my bamboo pole with the water containers hanging from it’, the visibly annoyed woman reported to the instigative journalist on the scene, ‘when I heard a noise coming from the undergrowth. A few moments later, two large and hairy gweilos broke through the bushes, sweating like pigs, and gooey flour smeared all over their bodies and faces. Even more terrifying though was the fact that they were wearing red evening dresses, which didn’t even fit them. They looked at me with a mad grin and…to my great relief…spared me…and then set off. I felt it was safer to let them get a bit away from me and so I sat down again. But…oh no…I hadn’t even shut my mouth yet, when all hell broke loose. Forty or so of the red cross-dressers appeared, shouting something unintelligible… obscenities I presume…that sounded like ‘On On’, or’ Ice the Hares!’ Later though, I was told that these creatures were not dangerous, but merely wanted to play. Go figure…!!!’
What happened to the indignant Mrs. Wong happens to many unaware residents, every time the Guangzhou Hash House Harriers celebrate their Annual Red Dress Run. The flamboyant red dresses and costumes that the hashers wear to show off are certainly worth staring at. Even though the Ladies of the Hash have worked very hard on their outfits – this is the one day of the year when the men dominate the Hash fashion, and the air in the circle is filled with their giggling and excited high-pitched chattering. One of the hares, still wearing his gooey red pajamas, is now carrying a cute orange parasol. Another hasher, a 100kg man, is wearing a ballerina skirt, his bushy dark leg hair sticking out through bright red stockings. Two guys, who got the same red blouse that had been on sale at their favorite factory outlet on Zhanxi Lu, start a cat fight, while a stocky hasher begins to feel claustrophobic in a sexy red top an unknown girl left in his apartment a few years ago. It’s the same top he had already worn in previous years, and year after year the sexy top seems to have shrunk. Now it’s about four sizes too small for this rather large fellow. Others make suggestive remarks about the proud wearer of a slutty shine-through negligee, and whistle after a young local hasher who is dressed in a traditional, figure-hugging red qipao. Like everyone else here, he, too, is hopeful to be voted for Best Red Dressed Hasher.
No one knows where the ancient Hash tradition of running in red dresses originates, except of course for Wikipedia. Nevertheless, for real hashers this event isn’t only about showing off, or startling the locals, or ridiculing ourselves…it is foremost a charity event. As such the Red Dress Run is celebrated by many Hash Kennels all around the world. Last year, we collected money for two hospital patients from neighborhoods we often run in. These patients couldn’t afford to pay for much needed dialysis treatment. The Guangzhou Hash donated the entire Red Dress run fees to help them. Individual hashers were even more generous, and at the end of the day we donated over 6,000 RMB. This year, the Hash is going to support the Orphan Education Society of Guangdong, an organization run by dedicated volunteers who provide the unfortunate children with food, clothes, study material and much more.
Back in the circle, towards the end, the stocky hasher with a sexy top from the now forgotten girl wins the contest for Best Red Dressed Hasher - as he has in previous years. The crowd cheered - or shrieked - louder for him than for any other contestant. The losers respectfully bow their heads to the victor, and pray that the darn top won’t fit him anymore next year.
But until that next Red Dress Hash, our boys will be boys again, and our girls won’t be mistaken for cheap whores when they hit the bars in town, after just another Best Hash Ever.
The Red Dress Hash is this coming May 11th. If you want to join the fun, please obey ancient hash customs and wear a red dress. As usual the run fee is 50 RMB, but bring a bit more if you want to help children in need. Remember don’t forget your sports shoes! Like every Saturday, the Hash meets at the Gold Mango Bar at 1.30. More information on www.gzh3.net
Check out www.oesgd.org.cn/view.asp?id=1303 for information on the Orphan Education Society of Guangdong.
Unquote
So, once again, please dress appropriately!
When: Saturday, May 11, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: Red Dress Hash
Who: Furry Thing and 00
On On,
00
#1212 - The Street Life Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Thanks to all donors for your generous contributions last week! However, I got a lot of complaints that I hadn’t properly introduced the nature of the charity that we are supporting. Especially some of the local hashers were kept in the dark because of all that English talk on our hash.
So, here we go. Please find an introduction by Pocahontas, aka Eveready, aka Pearl, written last year when we first donated to the Orphan Education Society of Guangdong, and find out what your money is being spend on:
今年的“红裙子慈善跑”，我们选择把募捐款项和您的爱心捐助给广东公益恤孤助学会，资助孤贫学生。
广东公益恤孤助学会是依法成立的民间慈善团体，核心业务是无偿资助孤贫学生上学。
助学会全部资金来自海内外民间捐赠，所有捐款100%用于慈善事业，所有行政费用由理事单位另外提供。工作人员除八名是受薪的专职人员外，另有过千名在册工作的志愿者。
助学会成立时向社会公开承诺：
● 所有捐款和物资全部用于符合本会章程、宗旨的慈善性公益事业。
●财务收支完全公开，欢迎和接受捐赠人、社会各界人士、新闻媒体和政府主管部门查询、检查、监督。
● 本会不从事任何营利性经营活动，确保所有捐款的安全。
● 本会领导不领取工资、津贴等任何报酬。
成立时给捐赠人公开信：欢迎“在任何时候，可以在事先不通知我们的情况下，前来查询、审核和指导，我们将提供全部资料和工作方便。
Bottom line is we pay for two very poor primary school students the tuition fees, learning materials, school meals etc. I believe this charity is legitimate. I met the chairman twice. He is a retired former top manager of Cosco, who is financially independent, and could probably make a shitload of money as a professional consultant. Instead he dedicates his time, energy, and money to help underprivileged children. He made a very sincere and trustworthy impression on me, if you give any credit to my judgment of people.
While we are still counting*, it’s already fair to assume that we collected considerably less money than last year. That means that we will have to take the two orphans out of school by Christmas, with a bit of luck only after the New Year. But then it’s finally ‘Life on the Streets’ for them. Sorry, kids. It’s tough out there, but it will certainly teach you some very valuable lessons. Trust me. I learnt quite a few there myself, if that is any consolation to you. Probably it’s not. After all, I chose to. And I also wasn’t six years old when I did so.
Other mismanagers of the Guangzhou Hash however find the ‘street solution’ to be unsatisfactory. Believe it or not, they would (for a wide variety of reasons) rather like to see the children finish the school year.
Well, ok then, so we will again accept donations this cuming Saturday. As a matter of fact, this really makes sense, because even though we again had 70+ hashers there always seem to be some missing. A lot of people for instance were wondering why both, Sveta and Wee Willy, would miss such a highly prestigious event. Well, they actually made the ultimate hash sacrifice last Saturday. Being too super busy on every other day of the week, they made the painful decision to skip the Red Dress Run and go into the woods to find another Best Hash Ever for us. At least so they say.
So these two fine young hashers, and the others who missed last week’s hash, and of course those who didn’t get the point of what we were doing last Saturday, will get another chance to put a smile on two little angel faces.
When: Saturday, May 18, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: smiling kids (don’t worry, not on the hash)
Who: Sveta and Wee Willy
On On,
00
*meaning I forgot the exact number I got from the Hash Cash. It doesn’t matter though, because AS YOU KNOW the number isn’t final, yet.
May & June 2013
#1220 - The AssGM & RA Changeover Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
A lot of people still believe that Globetwatter and Sir Cum aren’t really going to leave us. After all, it is not the first time that these two have publicly announced plans to fuck off, only to silently burying these after a short while. But during the hash press conference at the Mango Bar late last night the Kiwis finally shattered the hopes of quite a few delusional hashers when they announced that both of them are also going to retire from their positions as AssGM and RA this Saturday. This naturally raises some questions.
Q: Is anyone going to replace them as RA and AssGM?
A: We are certain that we will be able to find some volunteers for these important positions, whether they want to or not.
Q: What happens if the mismanagement forces more than one candidate to volunteer for each position?
A: The Guangzhou Hash has various infallible ways to identify the most suitable candidate.
Q: Will the Kiwis be the hares?
A: Yes, of course. It’s their last chance to demonstrate to us what they like to call their “superior trail setting skills”.
Q: Will the Kiwis cum up with something extraordinary this Saturday?
A: They always do, but this time it might be something mega-extraordinary. They claim that this run will be their absolute masterpiece, and hence much more sophisticated than any of the 90+ runs they have hared during their time with us.
Q: That sounds somewhat fancy. Will the mismanagement be able to keep the run fee at 50 RMB?
A: No, not this time. However, the mismanagement is subsidizing most of the extra benefits that we are going to give to the hashers, and so the run fee will be at 60 RMB without dinner, and 100 RMB with dinner. This is a one-time-arrangement only!
Q: There are stories making the round that recently some hashers have tricked the mismanagement into honoring them with a Fuck-off Hash, but then they didn’t fuck off as promised. Is there any risk that Globetwatter and Sir Cum could pull a similar stunt?
A: No risk can be completely eliminated, but this time the mismanagement has insisted to get a notarized copy of their one-way air ticket to their Hobbitland before even thinking about organizing a final Fuck-off Hash for them. You live, you learn!
Q: What happens to tricky hashers who don’t keep their promise to fuck off?
A: I’m glad that you ask this question. Well cum to the Mango on Saturday, then observe and learn.
When: June 29, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: RA and AssGM Changeover Hash
What else: last chance to accuse 4 (!) hashers
How much: 60 RMB without dinner, 100 RMB including dinner
On On,
00
#1219 - Furry Thing's and Ezi2Lay's F@ck Off Hash
As you know...
The past couple weeks have had smaller turnout then what we've come to expect in 2013 on the greatest hash on the planet. Our Hash Cash called our GM into the back room at Mango to inspect the coffers and explained that we were dangerously close to not making a profit for the first time since China's opening up in the 80s. Thumbleprints implored 00 Dirk to make whatever changes were necessary to get the hash numbers back up because this phenomenon is obviously unrelated to working weekends or poor weather conditions.
00 Dirk came up with a plan that would attract hashers, old and new, from all over the world to attend this weekend's hash, thus restoring the prestige and financial security of the hash to pre-June levels. His plan is so flawless, so foolproof, so fantastic that he went so far as to guarantee that this Saturday's hash fee would remain at the low price of 50RMB. For most non-Mismanagement, the savvy plan he outlined is too difficult to understand (also because it was in slurred German) but here were the finer points for you to know why this weekend will be the best hash ever:
1. 00 Dirk and Furry Thing, Faceplant. Enough Said.
2. Joining the ranks, Ezi 2 Lei will also be haring, and he is coming off a hot streak of 18 accusations in last week's circle, two of which he remembered songs for.
3. Approximately 30% of the trail will be virgin, the other 70% looks different than it did before.
4. Most importantly, you will never have another opportunity to give Ezi2Lei a down-down in Guangzhou.
5. Finally, Furry Thing is fucking off as well, and there's few better reasons to celebrate than getting rid of some furry, drunk asshole.
What: Another Fuck-Off Run
When: Saturday, June 22, 1:30 pm
Where: Mango Bar
Who: Ezi2Lei, Furry Thing, 00Dirk
On On,
The Hares
Full Moon Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Full Moon Hash,
Finally, the summer holiday is comming! Our super family is back. This time, they will show you the different side of Guangzhou followed by a yummy dinner and juicy beer.
When: Thrusday, June 20, 2013 @ 7.30 PM
Where: Huangsha Station (Line 1), Exit C
Who: Papasan & Angelina Blow Me
On On
#1218 - The Conspirative Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Last week saw the first entirely unhashvertised Hash in as long as I can remember. The consequences of this reckless lapse were severe. Only 39 people showed up, and a lot of devastated hashers were left behind in Guangzhou, not realizing that the Hash runs every Saturday - no matter what. It goes without saying that the mismanagement immediately appointed a committee to investigate the circumstances that led to this major flaw.
However, after a night of thoroughly investigating the whole affair*, the committee finally concluded that it is impossible to get to the bottom of it, and that any further digging will only stir up more mud and make things dirtier than they already are. Honestly, the investigation didn’t really get us anywhere near the truth, but gave us quite a headache instead. It’s a valuable lesson learned, though. I will certainly keep it in mind until the next time someone offers to buy me a beer or twelve.
The mismanagement has, in what is widely regarded as an extremely responsible move, decided to stop the investigation, and to invite conspiracy theories instead. Was foul play involved? What do this week’s hares know about this mess? And who are they anyway?
Who: Hunkaspunk, Forest Hump
When: Saturday, June 15, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: Swim Stop at or near B-point
What else: More conspiracy theories in the circle!!!
On On,
00
*at the Gold Mango Bar. As you know, Tony’s cozy bar has been awarded** the most investigation-friendly bar in Guangzhou.
**by the GZH3 Award Committee, coincidentally consisting of the same members that were appointed to investigate Hashvertisementgate. The award ceremony took place immediately after officially closing the case.***
***I would like to emphasize that the case is really closed. We don’t need any further facts or evidences. So, unless you can contribute wild speculations in the circle, please shut the fudge up.
#1216 - The NextGen Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
CHANGE OF THE GUARD
During the Fuck-Off Hash Frenzy for the two Kiwis last weekend a lot of hashers were wondering whether the GZH3 will ever be able to find successors for Globetwatter as our AssGM and Sir Cum as our Religious Advisor. They argued that no one on the Hash would have feet big enough to fill the shoes these two fine hashers are going to leave behind. Needless to say I looked a bit closer at Globetwatter’s and Sir Cum’s feet during the circle on Sunday. Indeed, they are of delicately impressive proportions and it will probably be very difficult for anyone to match them. But as the old and wise say, nothing has to be impossible!
NEW MISMANAGERS WELCUM
Do you know anyone with large feet? Look at your own. If they aren’t big enough yet, are they maybe still going to grow to RA or AssGM size?
If the AssGM or RA shoes are still a few sizes too big for you to fill, don’t give up hope. We are also looking for dedicated mismanagers right now to fill other positions. If you would like to do more stuff for the Hash, please let me know. Against common belief we do welcum more Chinese hashers on the mismanagement team. It is not that we don’t want you, but rather that you seem to have another – maybe a real? - life in Guangzhou. However, Chinese hashers are underrepresented on the mismanagement, so if you want to shape the Hash a bit more according to your ideas, cum out of the closet.
SCOUTING MINI BUS
The bigger challenge for our Hash is another. I believe that the high quality of GZH3 trails is the main reason why we get 70+ people every week. If we want to maintain this number and with it the convenience of having two buses, we need to make sure the hashers cum back. Hence, we urgently need more qualified hares to fill the haring gap which the two Kiwis and also Furry Thing will leave behind in just a few weeks from now.
One way to tackle this problem is to organize one to two scouting trips per month. The idea is to rent a minibus on Sunday mornings and fill it with 8 or 12 people and then drive out to a large enough run site where the scouting parties can split up and look for trails. Experienced hares will take virgin hares by the hand.
Interested in becuming a NextGen hare? If yes, talk to Constipation or me. If this becums a success we will make it a regular thing. Our Hash Cash is willing to pay for the scouting bus if the hares in return won’t claim the money for the flour from her!
Let’s make sure that we will always have great trails in the future. I for one want to run on China’s Best Hash and not on the Guangzhou Shitty Trail Hash.
NEXT GENERATION HARES
Two ambitious young hares have already stepped forward to defend the honor of the NextGen hares. During an emotional hash press conference at the Mango very late last night they announced that they will set an orgasmic hash, an unparalleled masterpiece during which completely new experiences* shall be made. They even had the guts to claim that their trail could easily compare with a typical Kiwi run. How dare they say that? Is it because they have a big mouth? Or is it maybe because they got pretty big feet already? Make up your own mind.
When: Saturday, June 1, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Circle Jerk and Muffdiver
What: The NextGen Hash
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