Guangzhou Hash House Harriers
#1184 - The Shekou Hash Crash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
When: Saturday, Nov. 10th, 2012 @ 11.30
Where: Gold Mango Bar
AS YOU KNOW, the Guangzhou Hash is going to crash the Shekou Hash this Saturday. The bus is currently fully booked, but the waiting list is short and we may have cancellations.
If you have already signed up for the tour and reconfirmed my mail from Tuesday, see you on Saturday.
If you have signed up but not reconfirmed yet, please do so within today. If I won’t get your reconfirmation until tomorrow morning when I get up, I will give your seat to someone else.
If you haven’t registered but still would like to go, reply to this mail with your telephone number. Should there be a seat for you I will call or sms you directly.
If you haven’t registered and also don’t want to go to Shekou, why not go out scouting on Saturday? We need hares for December. The GZH3 will organize no run in Guangzhou this weekend so that would be a great compensation for the missing run.
We will meet at 11.30 at the Gold Mango Bar. The GZH3 will NOT provide any lunch. Please organize it yourself. The price is, as usual, 50 RMB for the whole day, not including the dinner that the hosting Hash is organizing at a fine local Shekou restaurant (around 45 to 50 RMB is what the Shekou Hash estimates).
Don’t be late. The schedule is tight.
On On,
00
#1186 - The Thanksgiving Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
What: The Thanksgiving Hash
When: Saturday, November 24
Who: 00Dirk and Furry Thing
Where: Faceplant
This week marks the annual day of giving thanks in the U.S.; a day on which Americans look at what they have been fortunate to receive in their lives (i.e. everything) and show appreciation. In the spirit of being grateful for and not taking for granted that which we've been blessed to receive, GZH3 has provided a trail this weekend that will make all Hashers give thanks.
Fantastic views, beautiful trails, RA-approved weather, and a Beer Point are just the surface of what we fortunate hashers will receive this week. So please come prepared to remember why you are so grateful to be a member of the Best Hash Ever, while participating in the Best Hash Ever. If you feel inclined to verbally thank someone, 00 and Furry Thing will be awaiting you at the B point. If words are not really your thing, then perhaps you could give a hug to Hunka.
On On.
#1183 - The Really Scary Hash
Hi all,
Please join Lazezi and Hunkaspunk for the scariest hash of them all.
Forget about Pussy Party Halloween, this Saturday might end
differently then you would expect.
Yes, it's time for the re-run of the most memorable hash ever!
See attached pick for what you might expect.
Where: The New Gold Mango bar
When: This Saturday 13.30
Pool: close to point B
R-W split: Sadly, yes...
Dinner: In town and will feature LaZeZi
Gear: Warm clothes, torch, bed linen, nightcap, etc.
#1185 - The Marathon Prep Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
When: Saturday, Nov. 17th, 2012 @ 1.30
Where: The new improved Gold Mango Bar
Who: Wee Willy and GPS
What: Guangzhou Marathon Prep Hash
Tony has finally fixed all the damages that the angry hash mob had caused during that infamous Hash press conference two months ago. He’s done a great job. The place looks so cool and fancy that none of the usual ranters was able to stir up a mutiny during last night’s long expected Hash press conference. Not even that passionate young man who in fact had a good point with his complaint.
“Why weren’t we informed about the Guangzhou Marathon next Sunday? Now none of us is fit enough to participate” he accused the mismanagement.
I admit the mismanagement didn’t advertise the event to the hashers, but we do have a perfectly fine excuse: It totally slipped our attention. But, hey Marathoners, this is not the end of the world. In order to make things right for you the Guangzhou Hash has asked two of the most experienced hares to set a Marathon-Prep Hash. Wee Willy and GPS will make sure that you get all the preparation you need to run Sunday’s Marathon faster than you ever ran a Marathon before. Wee Willy was overheard mumbling something such as ‘very challenging, very long’, but others claim that he used the terms ‘very chickenish’ and ‘very low’ instead. Who could tell? If the trail won’t bring you up to the required fitness level, our Religious Advisor will make sure that you’ll have reached it by the end of the circle.
If you are not a Marathoner and worried that Wee Willy’s run might be a bit too challenging, you can instead put all your faith into GPS’s fine haring skills. He has promised to set a mind-blowing walker’s trail for you.
Sounds good, doesn’t it? At least did this sound good to everyone late last night at the Gold Mango. Only the representative of the Health Department, the young and charming Ms. Mi Tuhai wasn’t entirely convinced.
“Wrong and insufficient preparation can cause serious health issues. So how are you going to prepare for the Marathon-Prep Hash” she demanded to know.
Well, Hashers, that’s an easy one:
It’s PARTYTIME. On Friday night the hash will pay respect to Tony for letting us use the Gold Mango Bar for so many years without ever asking for a single fen. And honestly, is there an easier way to do this than by partying? I doubt it. So cum y’all and get blown away by the truly wonderful job Tony did with the new improved Guangzhou Hash Bar. It’s a completely new drinking experience. But remember: No excessive rioting this time!
Where: The new improved Gold Mango Bar
When: Friday, Nov. 16th, 2012, in the evening / at night
Who: The GZH3 and friends
What: The Marathon-Prep Prep-Party
On On,
00
November & December 2012
#1192 - The Last Best Hash
Hi All,
Don’t miss the last best hash of this year! Get your body moving again and try to sober up before your New Years Eve party!
Hares: Hunkaspunk and LaZeZi
Where: Gold Mango
When: This Saturday at 13.30
Dinner: Far, Far away (but with bus stop close)
#1190 & #1191 - The Hot Spring Hashes
Only a week after the Christmas Party the Guangzhou Hash is going on an all-weekend Christmas Hash. Once again, we will explore the bamboo forests and mandarin orchards of Conghua. It’s late December and too cold, you say? Don’t worry, we will stay at a hot spring hotel where you can warm up from inside.
And this is what you get for a mere 300 RMB:
- Two breath-taking runs, a long one on Saturday, and a hangover run on Sunday
- A fun bus ride on the Hash bus, all toll fees included
- A Hash T-shirt designed by the best Hash shirt designer in Greater China
- One night in a shared standard double bed room at the hot spring hotel. If you want to upgrade to a room with private hot spring pool, or like to kick out your roommate, let us know! We’ll try to make arrangements
- Hash dinner on Saturday, Hash lunch on Sunday
- Beer and softies throughout the weekend
- A useful gift from the Hash Santa
Sounds too good to be true? Well, it is the Guangzhou Hash after all.
Meet: December 22, 2012 @ 10 AM, Gold Mango Bar
Return: December 23, 2012 in the late afternoon
Hares: Globetwatter, Sir Cum, Gorf, 00
What: No lunch provided on the Saturday bus. Bring some and share it.
Pay only 300 RMB to Hash Cash on any given Saturday.
On On,
00
#1189 - The Warm Up Hash & Awards Ceremony
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Is there anything out there that is tastier than traditional German delicacies flushed down with finest German tap beer?
Believe it or not, there is one thing that’s even better than that. And that is exactly the same German food and beer, but after a great hash. In order to make the Christmas dinner the most orgasmic food sensation of all times, the mismanagement is proud to have won two of the most skillful hares in the history of hashing in Guangzhou, to set nothing less but the perfect run. This means the following minimum criteria have to be fulfilled:
· Great mountain trails with breath-taking views, totally off the beaten track
· Within than 20 minutes from the Gold Mango Bar by hash bus
· Idiot-proof markings, also known as ‘Full Moon markings’ so that virtually everyone with an IQ of 65+ will make it back to the bins this time
· Blue sky, 20 degrees Celsius
· Hilarious circle with all boring down downs being skipped due to the pressing lack of time
The pressing lack of time? Yes, you read right: We are going to shorten the circle (but not so much the run) to make sure that each one of you has the chance to get home, get showered and get dressed properly for the
Annual Hash Awards Ceremony and Christmas Party
at the Wunderbar. You can still get your ticket for the whole package for a mere 200 RMB when you show up at the Gold Mango Bar at 1.30.
The party starts at 7.30 and the buffet will be open from then until 9.30. Our German beer and South African wine are free until we are being thrown out by either the bar manager or a vicious GZH3 mismanger.
When: Saturday, December 15, 2012 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: The Warm-up Hash
Who: Globetwatter and Sir Cum
How much: 50 RMB as always
And then: On to the Wunderbar @ 7.30 PM
Where: Tianhe Bei Lu 175 – 181
What: Hash Awards Ceremony and Christmas Party
How much: 200 RMB
#1188 The Chosen Ones Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
The Hash a week before the Annual Hash Awards Ceremony is traditionally a highly prestigious one. After all, this is the last chance for any ambitious hare to get nominated for the ‘BEST HASH OF THE YEAR’ award. Unfortunately, prior to last night’s Hash Press Conference the news had already leaked out that the hare razor had received heaps of applications from hashers from all over Greater Guangzhou who all had promised to set an epic run.
Hence, last night the excitement climaxed when the hare razor climbed on top of his bar stool to reveal who’d get the honors. In an instant he achieved what for the GM is more often than not plainly impossible: He made the pack shut up and listen. In fact, it was so quiet that he probably even heard the mumbled intercessions of the contestants. ‘In your infinite wisdom you’ve got to choose me’, or ‘work your mysterious ways and select me’, or the hissed ‘if you don’t pick me I will decapitate a cute Christmas bunny*’.
As expected, the hare razor remained unimpressed by all this. Calmly he explained to his intent listeners, ‘After conducting all the necessary personal interviews with the applicants, their parents, siblings, current and former employers and colleagues, long forgotten classmates and ex-spouses, and after carrying out all the obligatory fitness and fertility tests for hares, required according to paragraphs 69f and 283k of “Stray Dog's Guidelines for the Zealous Hasher, volume XXVIII”, it is with greatest pleasure to announce the names of next Saturday’s hares. Give a big hand to the Chosen Ones, Yan Can Suck and French Tickler. Hooray!’
For a moment, while still trying to make sense of what they had just heard, no one said a word and only a very careful listener would have noticed how Tony was taking a deep breath. Would his bar resemble Paris in 1789 or maybe even Tehran in 1978 in just a few minutes from now? But when the crowd started to cheer and some ecstatic hashers attempted to carry the appointed hares on their shoulders he finally breathed out and his face showed relief. The Gold Mango Bar was safe from wreckage for another week. Everyone was happy about the decision except for one disappointed contestant. This misfit angrily claimed that it was sheer madness to assign such a vital task to Marie Antoinette's and Reza Pahlavi’s revenants, have you not learnt anything from history? Fortunately, the young and charming Ms. Mi Tuhai from the Health Department was standing not far away and quickly took care of this incident by sedating him heavily.
The mismanagement cannot promise that this French-Iranian endeavor will succeed in getting nominated for the Hash Awards. After all we aren’t the Oscars. Our winners win because they truly deserve to** and not because it is politically correct to let them!
What we do promise however, is that if you show up this Saturday @ 1.30 at the Mango Bar you will still be able to purchase your own ticket to the Annual Hash Awards Ceremony and Christmas Party on December 15th. You find all the important details about this event in the PS at the end of this mail.
* no animals were killed and no cruelty was done to any animal during or after the Hash Press Conference or during or after the making of this hashvertisement.
** if you are sincerely interested in winning an award place your bid until Wednesday next week by simply replying to this mail. We'll send you instructions on where to put the envelope. Highest bribe wins!!! Don’t tell anyone.
When: Saturday, December 8, 2012 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: The Chosen Ones' Hash
Who: Yan Can Suck, French Tickler
On On,
00
#1187 - The Pinky and the Brain Hash
Maybe he is ezi 2 lei, but he's not that easy to manipulate!!! Otherwise how come I find myself doing the hard work of writing the hashvertisement for the last two days, while all he had to do was to scout a trail...
Yes you may think that the agent of the Jewish plot to take over the world (first we will take over the hash) will be more sophisticated and not just admit she is testing potential candidates to a special unit that is able to take care of the sensitive area... we are not talking about the Gaza strip ;).
So...Hasher Hasher of Guangzhou (if you have the courage) come and find out how is the hardest of them all.
Be sure to cum Saturday to figure out who is Pinky and who is The Brain.. and just what the hell this all means.
What: Pinky and the Brain Hash
When: December 1, 2012 @ 1.30 PM
Where: The Gold Mango Bar
