Guangzhou Hash House Harriers
# 1281 - The Extreme White Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
*** Meet at 10.30 AM, bus leaves at 11 AM *** 十点半见面。十一点出发 ***
*** Wear tight and white clothes *** 穿白色的和贴身的衣服 ***
It is time for another epic All Day Hash. Extreme Spurt and his extreme sports buddy Tom have discovered virgin hash territory which they think has all it takes to make for a great hash trail: A few ponds fed by fresh mountain water streams to cool off while on the run (see pictures), a scenic beer stop, a few ups and downs, a neat B-point, an excellent restaurant for dinner and, of course, a proper hash motto: 'Tight and White'. This means that in order to avoid tears and other unnecessary complications the hares strongly recommend to wear TIGHT and WHITE clothes, or else.
We meet at 10.30 AM and the bus will leave from the Mango Bar at 11 AM sharp! The fee is RMB 150 which includes the dinner, the entrance fee to the Guangyin Mountain Park and the extra scenic (XS) and extra long (XL) two hours bus ride. Hash Cash is even considering to throw in a Prelube beer holder which usually hot-sells for a whooping 10 RMB.
Let us know if you want to join the fun so that we know whether we need to order a second bus. No one will be standing on the bus this Saturday, which means that once it's full it's full, and if you haven't paid up by then you won't be on it anymore.
The hares have prepared three trails, a walk, a run and a ballbreaker.
On On,
00
# 1282 - The Nagging Doubt Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Last night, during the Full Moon Hash, there were a few times when I thought we wouldn't live to see tomorrow. Turns out I was wrong. Tomorrow may not feel so good as I had hoped for yesterday, but it is definitely happening right now. I am even starting to believe that there might be a day after tomorrow, which, if I am not mistaken, should be a Saturday, also known as Hash Day.
But then again, there is always this doubt in my mind. After all, I have been wrong before, and I could be wrong again. If not, the hares have promised another Best Hash Ever, so you better be there.
When: Saturday, August 16, 2014 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: 00 and Angry Dragon
On On,
00
# 1280 - The Incey Wincey Spider Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
This weeks trial is not to be considered by the faint of heart!
Its certainly not for the weak of mind!
And it is most definitely not for any of those amongst us with even a mild case of arachnophobia!
It is a journey into hashing territory so seldom visited by GZH3 that many of those reading this and considering cumming will feel that they are entering virgin hashing lands. Many of you out there may not be aware of this, but there is a legend in the upper echelons of GZH3 of a distant forest that contains a hash trial so good and of such high quality that it could possibly be thought of as El Dorado for any good hasher. Simply put it is the best hash trial ever! Unfortunately this trial is guarded by beasts so foul that only the strong, the hard and the very dumb can possible survive.
These are desperate times we live in...........Many hares are away basking in sunshine on golden beaches sipping on beer cocktails in far off lands. So whom amongst us could be sent into such danger by the Mismanagement and survive this weeks epic task? Who in our hour of need would answer the call? In our desperation we approached the only hare brave or stupid enough to scout such vile and terrible lands. Negotiations have taken literally years to complete and after much pleading, some coercing and finally approaching the UN to impose Resolution GZH3 #1280 with a threat enforce severe sanctions against future beer consumption. The Mismanagement are finally very relieved to announce that the Hello Sailor will lead an intrepid taskforce of virgin hares on this weeks run.
Not only do we have four, yes ladies and gentlemen that was four Virgin Hares we also have a contender for the youngest hare ever on the GZH3! That is if he shows up and finds nothing more interesting to do this weekend. So please cum long and hard and show your support to a new found source of potential hares amongst us.
Who:
Runners Trail - Hello Sailor, David, Viviane,
Walkers Trail - Youen and his mum ;)
When: Saturday, August 2, 2014 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
On On,
Hello Sailor
click here to find the Incey Wincey Spider Hash on the map
# 1283 - The Bucketeering Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
AS YOU KNOW, it has been a long and extremely enjoyable tradition on the Guangzhou Hash to pour (among other substances) buckets filled with icy-cold water over hashers's heads when we baptize them. AS YOU also KNOW, in recent months, this sacred Guangzhou Hash tradition has become a fancy pastime for all kind of stars and, even more so, wannabe celebrities. What you probably don't know is why. I have to admit, me neither. I mean, of course, I like the tradition, but I prefer when it is happening to others, but not so much when it's happening to me or, gods beware, if I had to do it to myself. So, folks, as perplexed as I am by such odd behavior, as the Grand Master of the Guangzhou Hash and a very vain man I also feel a tiny little bit of pride that our very own rite has become a global phenomenon, such as planking or swaffelen.
However, life is sometimes more complicated than it ought to be, and so, yesterday evening, right before I wanted to finish my work and go home, I got a really distressing wake-up call from someone who I believe to be a very trustworthy person. He said that unlike the planking or the swaffeling, the ice-bucketeering wasn't as harmless as it seemed. In fact, it's extremely dangerous. Nowadays, there are so many wannabe celebrities who pour ice water over their head that the global ice reserves at most polar caps and basically all glaciers are shrinking at an alarmingly fast pace. So, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash, I beg you: Don't do the ice bucket thing! Leave that to experienced bucketeers such as your GZH3 mismanagement team.
When: Saturday, August 23, 2014 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Hunkaspunk and Constipation.
What: ice-cold swimming pool at B-point
On On,
00
# 1284 - The Dream Date Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
If you had the choice between a day out with the Hash and spending it with your crush, where would you want the Hash to go to? And would you bring your crush along, or would that only spoil the fun for you?
Never has this been easier to answer than last night during the Hash Press Conference, at least not for Himalaya and Circle Jerk. Not only are both of them going to bring their crushes along, but they will also decide for the rest of us where we'll have to run on Saturday.
'What an audacity', you may say and wonder how in the hells they managed to pull that off while you, on the other hand, got so deep into the shits when you tried to explain to your crush that you cannot date him (or her) (or it) because you have to be somewhere else, and the mere fact that you had absolutely no idea where this somewhere else was didn't make it any easier. Well, at least not as easy as the solution to the mystery how Circle Jerk and Himalaya pulled that off. They simply volunteered to be the hares - not for the first time by the way - and being a hare on the GZH3 comes with a whole bunch of privileges*, such as telling everyone else where to run and where to have the dinner.
When: Saturday, August 30, 2014 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Himalaya & Circle Jerk
On On,
00
*There are many more privileges that the Guangzhou hares enjoy. For example, both hares don't need to pay the 50 RMB run fee. They can also try to claim back up to 300 RMB for taxi, flour and other expenese from our Hash Cash**. Best of all, though, is that they get laid whenever they wish to. And, I'd like to emphasize once again that it is a common misperception that haring is exclusive to a small group of elitist Guangzhou hashers. Quite in the contrary. Anyone who can connect an A-point with a B-point is welcome to give it a try!
**Good luck with that one.
July & August 2014
# 1277 - The Fourth Star Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
I believe it is fair to assume that a World Cup final between Holland and Germany would have been considered by most Guangzhou Hashers as the dream final. After all, a lot of mismanagers and hares come from these two countries. Unfortunately, Holland screwed up a few moments ago and is going to face Brazil in the 'Match for 3rd place', also known as the 'Retarded World Cup', at the Gold Mango Bar on Saturday night shortly after the hash. The Guangzhou Hash as an extreme politically correct group, supports the event regardless of how meaningless it really is.
On Sunday night, or better say on Monday morning at 3 AM, the really important game is going to happen when Argentina and Germany are going to play for world domination. Again, this happens to take place at the Gold Mango Bar.
In order to get y'all in the right mood for the showdown the trail on Saturday will be German-engineered and, of course, we are going to have German beer, so that everyone is going to cheer for the right team.
When: Saturday, July 12, 2014 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Cum Cannon, 00
What: Let's get that darn Fourth Star
On On,
00
#1276 The Innovative Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
AS YOU KNOW, during our last Red Dress Hash the Guangzhou Hash collected 15,000 RMB which we finally handed over to the Orphan Education Society of Guangdong last Monday. Attached is the photoshopped evidence that we in fact donated the full amount. Furthermore, if you know how to read Chinese you can retrieve more information on the kids that we are going to support this time, such as their family background, combined annual household income (if you want to call it that) and so on.
'The amount is much higher than in previous years and puts a lot of pressure on the Guangzhou Hash and on each individual hasher to donate at least the same amount next year again', summarized Hash Cash Thumbleprints the annual charity activity during last night's Hash Press Conference, only to continue with a serious warning to everyone present.
'If we keep running from the same A-point to the same B-point people will lose interest in the Hash and then there'll be no one coming anymore next May, hence no one will donate anything. Therefore, this Saturday, I will personally break the current trail setting domination of a few selfish hares and set a brand new trail with not only a virgin A-point but also with a virgin B-point. But best of all is that there will be trails connecting both of these points with each other.'
If that alone weren't already innovative enough Thumbleprints also promised numerous watering holes along the trail. These are always good to have in the current weather conditions.
When: Saturday, July 5*, 2014 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Who: Thumbleprints and "?"**
On On,
00
*A lot of people asked why we don't call this week's run 'The Independence Day Hash' or something like that. Guangzhou Hashers, not every hash run has to have a motto, especially not on an innovative Hash chapter as ours. That's why the motto of this week's Hash is 'The Innovative Hash' instead. On top, get your history straight, guys. Independence Day is on July 4. Don't you watch Hollywood???
**Who is "?" you probably want to know, and you aren't the only one. In fact, no other question was asked more often at the Gold Mango Bar last night. Thumble's habit of sharing information on a need-to-know basis didn't help to satisfy the nosiness of the crowd, but finally she gave in, at least a tiny little bit, and revealed that her co-hare was still a virgin. Now, that is something we haven't had in a long time, so be all there and see who it is. It's probably safe to rule out Stefon and Garbage Guts for they aren't virgins anymore.
click here to find the Innovative Hash on the map
