Guangzhou Hash House Harriers
January & February 2015
Hashvertisement # 1308 – The Unhared Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Do you want to be a hare? Yes? Well, perfect timing because it just so happens that the Guangzhou Hash needs hares for this Saturday. Reply to this mail if you can and want to set the trail.
On On,
00
Hashvertisement # 1309 – The Valentine’s Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
A lot of hashers are very worried about ‘Friday, the Thirteenth’ while, in fact, the really scary day is the day after, at least in this month and certainly if you happen to be involved in a romantic relationship. It’s the so-called ‘Valentine’s Day’, one of the most sinister scams ever pulled off by the international flower syndicate. Unfortunately, their impressive commercial success comes at a high price: the transformation of a perfectly fine winter day into a 24-hours-walk through a mine field.
That’s where the Guangzhou Hash steps in, again in its traditional role as the savior. We offer everything your better half demands of a perfect Valentine’s Day such as the flour* and the fine dining, but without the typical Valentine’s mind games, and hilarious fun instead. No one who is in his right mind could possibly miss this.
When: Saturday, February 14, 2015 @ 1 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Hare: Constipation, still looking for his Valentine flower bitch
On On,
00
*”Sorry, honey, I didn’t realize you meant the w-flour with the extra e.”
#1311 – The Webwanking Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Finally! The Guangzhou Hash has a new website.
I have uploaded our photos starting from October 2011 till today. The earlier ones will follow. There is a ‘Best Of’ gallery for 2014, the slide show which Himalaya and I had prepared for our Christmas Party, but then forgot to show. I am now looking for someone to do the same thing for other years.
Please email your photos to gzhash@gmail.com so that everyone can see them. Do not only waste them on Wechat. If you are a regular hasher and photographer you can also upload photos yourself. Please talk to me about it.
Some galleries contain a link to Wikilocs where you can find the trail on the map. If you happen to bring your GPS please upload the trail to the web and share the link with us. This might help the current hares and everyone who wants to become one to get some inspiration for new exciting trails.
On a completely different note, the hares wanted me to tell you something about a wet virgin, but that sounded all too much like a fairy tale to me. If you want more information on wet virginity though, be there.
Where: Gold Mango Bar
When: Saturday, February 28, 2015 @ 1 PM
Who: Three Inches of Pain and Constipation
On On,
00
#1307 – The Survival Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
When I was a little boy my mom wouldn’t get tired of warning me of virgins. Inexperienced and needy, she’d call them. If I wanted to have fun, she’d say, I should better keep my hands off of them.
Other mothers seem to have given different advice to their sons. Take Cum Cannon, for instance. During the past two or three months he has defloured* more virgins than any other hasher ever before him, at least not during the past couple of years. With the breaking in of Dirty Rags he is going to continue to feed to this habit of his.
When: Saturday, January 31, 2015 @ 1 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Hares: Cum Cannon & Dirty Rags
On On,
00
*‘The Guangzhou Hare (Lepus Hashus Cantonesus) is extremely rare and endangered. To avoid extinction someone’s got to do the deflouration, so it may as well be me’ he justified his doings during the Hash Press Conference at the Gold Mango Bar very late last night. He is probably right. Therefore the mismanagement team of the Guangzhou Hash calls on all non-haring Guangzhou Hashers to stop being such pussies and finally get their cherry popped. It’s the only way to repopulate the hills around Guangzhou and secure the survival of our species.
#1306 - The Unhashvertised Hash
Not quite unhashvertised, but close enough. Brett and Cum Cannon are going to set a trail extraordinaire for you guys so don't miss it.
When: Saturday, January 24 @ 1 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
On On,
00
# 1305 – The Swinese Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
Three runs, six hares! 2015 is truly off to a good start. This week, we have a promising mixed-nations team from Switzerland and China which is thriving to set the Best Hash Ever. However, since “The Swiss-Chinese Hash” is too long and too difficult to pronounce the “Guangzhou Hash Committee for the Simplification and Shortening of Titles, Mottos, Committee Names and Subcommittee Names on the Guangzhou Hash” (or short CoSSTMCSGH) has decided to call this week’s run “The Swinese Hash” instead. Don’t miss it. It’s a good one.
When: Saturday, January 17, 2015 @ 1 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Hares: Fill Her Up & Whorenando
On On,
00
# 1304 – The Fraternizing Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
It has been quite a while since Napoleon gave the American people the Statue of Liberty. The relationship between France and The USA has gone in only one direction from there, and that direction is, of course, down the precipice. It hit rock bottom when 70 years ago the Americans invaded France and – the ultimate humiliation in many French eyes - erected a monstrosity of steel right in the centre of Paris. And if that hadn’t been bad enough already, they didn’t even have the decency to give it a local name like they did with e.g. French Fries, and bluntly called it “the Eiffeltower”.
So if it were really true what some smart asses claim, that history rewrites itself, I wouldn’t bet a flying fuck on any improvement in this relationship. But since the future isn’t predictable and obviously nothing can be learnt from history I am happy to see that some people make an effort and try to reverse the direction by setting the First Franco-American trail on the Guangzhou Hash.
When: Saturday, January 10, 2015 @ 1 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: fraternization and the pursuit of happiness
Who: Due Lay Lama and Lyman
On On,
00
#1303 – The Mail Order Hash
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
One of the remarkable things about life is that it’s never so bad that it can’t get worse. Let’s take our hare line, for example. It has been pretty awful in 2014 already, but that’s nothing compared to the grim outlook for 2015. At the moment the hare line is so very empty that our hare razor had to go so far as to evade the UN imposed sanctions on Russia in order to have any hares at all.
Find out more about how he pulled that off, and the US State Department’s shady role in this charade.
When: Saturday, January 3, 2015 @ 1PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Hares: Floppy Diskovych and Too Big To Failovych
What: The Guaranteed Best Hash of the Year so far
And one more thing: While one can have a lot of fun with mail order hares for a weekend it isn’t a workable solution on the long run. In order to remain the Best GZH3 in Greater China we need to recruit more hares from our own ranks. So please cum forward and volunteer to hare!
On On,
00
